BPDFamily.com

Just got back from TN visiting my BFF and I feel great.  It's hard to believe my exBPDbf replaced me only a month and a half ago.  I think overall I'm recovering pretty darn good myself!

Remember went I went temporarily insane when it happened and contacted people that knew both my ex and my replacement just desperately looking for answers?   Well one of those people was her ex husband.  They've been divorced 7 months but were separated for 2 years before that.  Well since I contacted him I think it was 1/2/17, he's been checking on me daily.  Actually it went from here and there to now he contacts me daily and he's let me know he wants to get to know me a whole lot better and we've grown closer and closer.  He knows the whole story.,

I also really like him.  He's a super nice guy, funny, sweet.  But I have concerns that have nothing to do with him himself.  Thing is he lives only about two miles from y replacement in a small town... .the very town my ex and my replacement spend the only time they can get together, on weekends, which is the same basically what my friend and I have to do as well for the time being.  Facts are, we are highly likely to run into each other when we go out as there's only so many places to go do stuff there.

He's not concerned and I'm not really, right now we are on the down low.  I don't care if my ex or his replacement aren't to happy we are dating. We don't care about whatever gossip we'll encounter as I know my ex has slandered me to everyone his new gf has introduced him too.  Apparently I'm a big topic around there where people have nothing else to do.

However, if they see us or when they hear about us, could that trigger my ex into trying to contact me to try to recycle me or charm me (not sure if I'm using either term correctly)?   I already see the signs of slow cracks in their relationship which isn't easing my nervousness about it.  Is it possible that this combo of things could trigger him in some way?  Anger? Jealously? Rage?  Do they have those kind of reactions when they've painted someone black and replaced them?  I'm kinda of scared deep inside.  I know how bad his rages can be.  I have determined he's a lost cause I'd rather give up on.  But I don't want my new friend and I to have to live hiding our relationship either.

I know my ex.  He was a super jealous man and in hindsight I see how he was trying to keep me from my own friends and accused me of sleeping with other men I knew.  I just know he. is. NOT. going to be happy about this at all though he has no right to any opinion considering what he did but the thought scares me now considering his past rages and knowing I'm black in his eyes.  I can't imagine he's not going to be angry when he finds out.

My friend isn't concerned one bit though.  He says he's got my back and he'll never let my ex hurt me again in any way.  We already know my ex is afraid of him.  He's a 6'3" biker type and he ran into my ex and my replacement at a bar a couple of weeks ago and apparently my ex  looked pretty scared and left from what I've heard.  I could easily see that knowing my ex. 

Advice?  Anything I need to keep in mind?  Are my concerns about my ex's possible reaction valid and something I should be concerned about? 

Advice?  Anything I need to keep in mind?  Are my concerns about my ex's possible reaction valid and something I should be concerned about?

As long as you are not concerned about any physical altercations happening, I think that there is no reason to be concerned. 

Do you feel safe?

That's the thing... .I don't know what he'll do for sure.  He didn't have them often, but when he had rages, they were pretty scary with the ranting and raving and a couple times he threw things.  He never physically came after me though I think there's possibility that had I been with him longer, it could have went there.  It was enough to scare my 15 and 17 year old daughters so I severed his contact with until he acknowledged he needed some help but that never came to pass.

Maybe he'll blow this off but my instinct is telling me know.  I think it might directly force him to confront what he's done.  I can't say if it would bother him to see me with someone else or not but to compound it by me being with my replacement's ex-husband, well that's a other scenario.   While he shouldn't care what I do since he created this situation, realistically I know he obviously doesn't think like a non-BPD.  I have a feeling in my gut he is going to be absolutely furious and I'm sure his replacement won't be thrilled either. 

On the other hand, he cheated and broke up with me.  Do people with BPD even get jealous or try to interfere to boost their ego?  I mean if I'm painted black, I'm black right?  This situation makes me nervous on one hand and then on the other, I really like this guy and we are slowly getting close to each other.

This is just my opinion... .I would separate myself as far as I could from anything my exBPDgf was involved with. I know we sometimes can't help who we develop feelings for... .but wow it sounds like you might be walking into a drama pitfall... .

Who knows, it might work great without a bump in the road. I'm sure you guys have tons of experience to share and can relate... .

Just be careful! Watch out for yourself.

I know Super it's just I do really like her ex-hubby.  He's been a rock for me through this and he's a really sweet, funny, nice guy.   Part of me is hesitant because of the potential drama.  Yet I can't let my ex control my life this way even if he gets upset with me when he finds out I'm seeing his new gf's ex husband.  I've had NC with my ex.  He completely cut me off and doesn't apparently see to miss me.  It's as if I never existed.

In my mind, that means he's done with me so what would he care who I dated or if I dated?  He gave up his say in what I do by replacing me.  I can't let him control me and prevent me from having other relationships.  On the flip side, he's going to find out at some point and once he's confronted with that, do people with BPD even care?  I mean I was painted really black.  I want to believe he's done with me but I don't know if this could trigger him to get really angry or try to charm me back in.

Even though I haven't heard from him and it's as if I never existed, is it possible this situation could trigger anything to try to hurt me or charm me?