BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

 Just wanted to let you guys know , that since I have been with my husband for two years my health has gone down hill... .nothing life threatening, but I get sick MORE now than ever, I came down with Shingles (odd for a 42 year old) and I now have Chronic fatigue syndrome. I was wondering if anyone else has noticed their health plummet since living with a BPD partner... .

Thanks!

yes, the turmoil of dealing with my short term exBPDgf at the same time as my father is undergoing cancer treatment has left me ill with colds I can't get rid of for over 2 months now, and also I suspect that she passed on a minor STI to me, skin virus that my immune system should be getting rid of, but struggling. Can't get treatment for any of it, I just have to wait and look after myself. 

Sorry for your ailments, WifeinOz. During major dysregulations, I have had bouts of sudden vomiting and migraines. Stress can do horrible things to our bodies. That is why it is essential to take care of ourselves - vitamins, diet, exercise, meditation. And healthy ways to release the stress - hobbies that don't involve them, reading, gardening, venting here, or to a good support system. We have to maintain our balance during the storms. We also can't take on their stresses for them. Those are their burdens, not ours.

Hi WifeinOz,
                    I have been with my BPDh for 15.5 years. My health and state of mind have really gone down hill. My body is fatigued everyday, along with my thoughts. I used to be a very organized, on top everything kind of person. Now, it's a struggle to have a free flowing thought of my own without having to factor in his actions, reactions, projections etc... .I'm sorry you are going through this. I try to disassociate myself (very hard to do) with him and his Chaos. Sometimes I don't know which is worse, the physical or mental/emotional pain. I hope things get easier for you. Please know... .you are NOT alone. Stay strong and think of YOU!

Hurtingdaily

Yes I have as well. I started to get more frequent asthma attacks due to increased emotional distress when arguing with my gf. Also would get headaches that I never get. Apart of it due to swallowing my words just to get over the quarrel. I'm sorry to hear that tho. I started to now in the middle of a heated argument, ask if we can both take a break and come back when we are both in a good state of mind.

So sorry to hear about your health problems - Shingles - ouch!
I've had my chronic illness for 15 years now. Met my now hub after 10 years into my illness. During that happy period when we were dating the 1st 2 years, I had fewer & less intense symptoms. Just after we married & his true colors came to light, my symptoms started worsening again. They stayed that way for 3 years. A few months ago, with the help of my therapist, I started dedicating myself to "self-care." Not surprisingly, I'm now better able to manage my symptoms.
There is no question that psychological stress affects our physical health.

I posted a while back about creating a "self-care" kit. Some good suggestions from members in that post. (sorry, I don't know how to link to a previous post). Worth taking a look at it.

Hello Everyone,

I have been married to my uBPDh for many years.  I have had anxiety most of that time.  I don't blame him, but trying to mitigate the chaos of the relationship has been very stressful.

Recently, my elderly mom has had a series of problems.  Trying to help her while still coping with typical BPD emotional uproars has compounded my anxiety. 
 
During this time, a big chunk of my hair has fallen out.  I actually have a bald spot.  When I went to the doctor, he said I had Alopecia Areata from stress.  On top of that, I have Shingles on my scalp also. I'm also being treated for fatigue.

It's a wake up call for sure! 

Can't say that he's caused it, but I know at times he's contributed to my chronic depression and insomnia, and possibly IBS.  But, I also know with two BPD parents as an only child, I brought a lot of that with me (I remember sleepness nights back to being very young). 

Trying to exercise seems to help all of the above - makes my body physically tired enough to stay alseep, releases endorphins from moving around, and well, moving around helps tings... .move around, as far as the IBS.  I told a friend I named my intestine"Spaz". 

Stress and depression are always knocking on the door. You need to be wary of these and take positive, even if selfish, precautions, as once they get through the door they will bring all kinds of ailments with them

My wife's behavior has caused some health problems for me. 

I have developed anxiety, depression, and high blood pressure.  After she had an emotional affair with another man I fell into a deep depression and suffered lots of insomnia & anxiety.  I have sought treatment & developed better sleep hygiene and coping skills to limit anxiety.  I think her behavior has led me to be almost hypervigilant at times.  I also have a 3 year old daughter who I rarely leave alone with her.

Long story short I have learned that you must always take care of yourself as a top priority.  If you devote too much time to taking care of someone else you will be exhausted and resentful.  I have learned the power of telling her "no" if she needs something that she can do for herself.

She tried to joke that she was the cause of my gray hairs.  I told her there was no joking behind that.  Of course, she flipped out and tried to give me the silent treatment.  I did get her to acknowledge later that her behavior does impact my health though.

There was about a year where I would have sudden minor terror attacks, where for a brief moment I was terrified and I would uncontrollably scream or have a muscle spasm.

I guess I had that when I was taking a more victim mentality to my wife's behavior, but at one point I decided to fight back, and I now rather than being engulfed in fear, I am engulfed in rage.

Yes.

I certainly have. Mental stress begat physical problems. I agree with a previous post about taking good care of ourselves. That is all that we can do. Stay strong friend!

Yes depression that at times felt like despair. 

I was married 18 years and have been out for 1 year.  I feel much better.  In the last 60 days I even started feeling even better, I started taking a boxing class.   I had not exercised in 20 years.  It has been much better for me than I would have ever thought.   

For me it's anxiety, but only when I am with her and when I am about to be with her. Just trying to make sure I have addressed every criticism and expectations of me sends me into this state. When distanced from her physically by at least half an hour I feel pretty good. My blood pressure is high but when she goes on a  3 day business trip it gets to pretty much normal during the solitude.

Yes - I think you would need to be 'superhuman' not to be pulled down physically and mentally by living with a BPD person.

I am currently off work with Stress, I don't expect ay sympathy from my pwBPD because its only ever 'all about them'.

On the plus side I have worked out I don't want his sympathy anyway, I am getting therapy and working on mindfulness which is vey much helping me see that I have to let go of his illness and just focus on me.

Its been a good reminder, my life is quite full and my health matters- if he wants to wallow in permanent misery I am no longer willing to engage.