BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

My girlfriend of 7 months has BPD and when she "acts out" she withdraws and isolates herself for weeks on end. During these weeks of isolation she doesn't talk to me at all. I suppose she still talks to her friends, because I see her posting on social media and talking with her, and they never ask me if she's ok or not, so I think she still acts normal with them, but its very confusing for me. I love her, but it hurts to be ignored like this. Every time this happens, I go through feelings of extreme loneliness. I begin to think that it's my fault, because why would she talk to her friends but not me? When she's not ignoring me, she says that she's scared that her mood swings will scare me away, but that doesn't help with the pain I feel. I want to talk to her about everything, but I am scared of triggering another episode so I just end up keeping it to myself. She stops talking to me roughly every 3 weeks, and she ignores me for about 2 to 3 weeks. She's my first girlfriend, and I love her, but I just don't know how long I can keep doing this for. Does anyone have any ideas or any advice please?

Thank you

Welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place and you have identified some very genuine concerns.

Firstly, you should consider that a pwBPD has great emotional needs and these are not served by friends. So the relationship with friends stays in place and continues regardless of what's happening behind the scenes.  This is where you come in. In fact, you could be anybody. She just needs somebody who will accept her bad behaviour and this could very well be the start of your training to see how subservient you can be or will be.

If you continue down this path you have two problems :

1. She will eventually resent you for your weakness and throw it in your face by which time you will be so weak that you will accept it as fact. This means you will be damaged for the next relationship and emotionally scarred for many years.

2. Women don't like weak men. They say they do but in reality, they don't and being in such a relationship means you get the worst part of the deal. Future relationships will be futile or with the wrong women. Being her puppy dog is not going to keep her or enhance your life.

Think about protecting yourself and give her the flick before she scars you. It's a big step when you're in this emotionally weak position but your future happiness depends on it. Don't let her destroy you. There are many girlfriends out there that you haven't even met yet. Firstly, don't accept abuse of any kind and learn to identify the good from the bad. Your future happiness depends on it. Good luck.