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Title: first try towards a better life Post by: Elsa123 on March 24, 2017, 02:56:36 PM Hi,
I'm 21. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship with my mom for a long time. for a while now, I've recognized the need to remove myself from the situation and got some space, even if I didn't understand what was going on. Fortunatly for me, I had the oppertunity to do so this year. In my new home many miles away I'm trying to build myself up. who am I when I'm not walking on egg shells? Im also starting to recognize the extent of the manipulations, and how, the problems in my relationship with my mom, aren't all my fault. My mom is more than kinda difficult and it's not the same as a general anxiety disorder. I think she has BPD, or a lot of BPD tendencies. I want to protect myself, I don't want to hurt her, I want her to get help (though I know thats not likely to happen), I want to be ok but i still want a relationship with my mom... . Title: Re: first try towards a better life Post by: Naughty Nibbler on March 24, 2017, 05:25:23 PM Welcome Elsa123: I'm sorry that your mom has been emotionally abusive to you. Is your father in your life? Any siblings? It can be exciting to move away to a new home. Are you settling in okay (new friends, as support system)? Quote from: Elsa123 I want to protect myself, I don't want to hurt her, I want her to get help (though I know that's not likely to happen), I want to be ok but i still want a relationship with my mom... . You can't change your mom. The only thing you have control over is how you interact with your mom and how you react to her. It will be important to you to set boundaries with your mom. Your mom probably won't like your boundaries. She can choose to comply. If she doesn't comply, then something is restricteds(a conversation, a visit, whether she get a reply, etc.) SETTING BOUNDARIES (http://www.httsp://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0) can help you. Boundaries are for your benefit and are up to you to enforce. Your mom won't like them, but if you are consistent, you should gain some benefit. Boundaries can deal with how you handle nasty comments, texts, emails, etc. What are some things you would like to set boundaries around? What are some of the abusive things your mom does? Using certain communication skills can make things better for you. Using Validation (or NOT invalidating) and communicating with "I" Statements (when discussing something you are unhappy with) can be helpful. Check out the links below: VALIDATION - DON'T INVALIDATE (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) MORE ON INVALIDATION (http://www.eqi.org/invalid.htm#Two out of three ain't bad) VALIDATION - LEVELS OF VALIDATION (http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/validation.html) The link below leads to a helpful tutorial for using "I" Statements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0 Check out the links. Let us know what you think. It can take some practice to feel comfortable in using the communication skills. Some people like to come back to their thread to check their understanding on some skills and to practice. Take care We look forward to hearing more of your story. |