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I'm having a very difficult time this week with her birthday and all.  I know she's dating someone new and they're all going out tonight.  I'm a wreck.  My heart hurts like I have a giant hole in my chest.  I couldn't even manage myself to get to the gym this morning and I have actually been pretty good about picking myself up trying to get through this break up.  It's been a little over a year, but the one thing I cannot get out of my head is how she's told me I was perfect and I should not forget that.  If I am so perfect then why is she dating someone else? It sure does not make me feel perfect.  I don't know how to move on.  This is my first break up.  Talking about it helps, but I feel like I'm being annoying to others even though they say they don't care if I talk about it. IDK. I just don't know what to do.  I feel like I can't do anything because I'm trying so hard to save money and get out of my parents house so I don't spend much.  Sometimes I just have to though.  It's a constant struggle.  I don't know how to get happy again. I am a completely different person than who I used to be and I don't recognize myself anymore. 

All my interests are gone.  I used to fangirl over tv shows and be super passionate about them, but since my ex broke up with me claiming one of the reasons she broke up with me because I was obsessed over a celebrity has me not liking it much anymore.  I feel like I need to grow up from that and not cling onto shows and celebrities that used to give me such passion. 

I want to take up a new hobby or something, but I don't want to pay the money for classes.  I could work on my art, but I've been so depressed I just can't seem to get up and do it.  I am creating a space in the basement this weekend I'm hoping that will help. 

I loved her so much, I don't know how to just let her go and be ok.

Just saw on FB she's making shots for her birthday party tonight.  I guess she's back to drinking again. :/

Hi Shedd,

I can imagine how hard this is, with her birthday and all.   Moving on is difficult and takes time and self-compassion. Sometimes we have to live a while in that limbo land, not quite ready to leap forward, but also done with a lot of what was our past. It can feel confusing and frustrating.

Is there something you can do that would be interesting/fun that doesn't cost money? A free concert in your neighborhood? A meet up hiking group? Cooking classes on the Internet?

I don't know your interests, but there might be low-cost or free activities that would create a spark for you again.

Getting happy again isn't something you can force, I don't think. In my experience, it kind of sneaked up on me as I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

heartandwhole