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Title: Disappearing Act After Sex - How Can I Be a Supportive Partner? Post by: heartandmind on March 26, 2017, 06:48:44 AM Hello all!
My ex wBPD went on a pretty extensive disappearing act for one year. We spoke only a few times during this period and they would often run away after we spoke, not to hear from them for months. I know that they weren't in a relationship with anyone during this period as they were going through many personal issues, which was the sole reason for our breakup. A few days ago, she appeared out of the blue and visited me to apologize for everything. And I mean everything. No stone was left unturned. She told me that she never meant to hurt me (her behavior was truly caused by her issues which she's currently in therapy for and had nothing to do with me), she's never loved anyone so much in her life, has never been as attracted to anyone, and she's still working on herself but she's in a much better place and would like to give things another go slowly. I was absolutely floored by her honesty and ability to emote her feelings, since both of these things are so rare for her. We then had incredible sex and spent time together until we both had commitments for the day and had to leave. When she was leaving, she told me to call her later and said that she was going away on business for two weeks, but gave me the day of her arrival back to our city. I called her that night but (you guessed it) I am yet to hear a word from her. She has had sex with me before and then broken up with me *very* abruptly days later (and would always come back), so I cannot say that I'm surprised. Those times back then I would call her multiple times afterward asking her where she's gone, if I did anything wrong, etc., but that seemed to only make her run away more. After doing extensive research on BPD, I realized this was really the opposite of what I should have done. This time around, I am remaining silent and giving her the space that she needs. Has anyone dealt with this or something similar? I love her dearly and want to be the greatest support system that I can for her in these times. What is the best thing that I can do? Just give it time, right? Thanks all Title: Re: Disappearing Act After Sex - How Can I Be a Supportive Partner? Post by: once removed on March 28, 2017, 02:07:36 PM What is the best thing that I can do? Just give it time, right? more or less, sure. but the situation isnt exactly fair for you - popping in after a year, offering apologies, sleeping with you, then disappearing again. thats where you, and what is in your power to control come in. no, its not personal, but that doesnt mean it isnt hurtful. what effect does this have on you, how are you dealing with it? |