BPDFamily.com

I'm wondering this as during the protection order hearing his attorney relayed that msg to me from the x.  The x has said that in past break ups too.

I don't get the sense I e been made all black,

I saw him twice today letting my cat inside, he still delivers mail... .I went from upset to angry seeing him.   Today is not a good day for me.  Angry he is still allowed near me despite going against postal regulations .


I'm sure he is happy now that he has me gone and can just still work and run home to his room .

Part of BPD is often being unable to control their emotions. What behaviors are soothing at the time may work until external circumstances collide with internal emotional dysregulation. He probably means it.

After reality hit my ex in her marriage, the internal dysregulation started. I got the message in your subject line... .several times over the past year. Though separated from her H now, I got it again last week, driven by her intense guilt of not being there for the kids after they were asking her if she were going to sleep over. 

The feelings are real.  They may or may not last given both the external and internal dynamics (for any of us really,  but the fluctuating emotions of a pwBPD are so much more intense).

So say he means it. I know my ex means it.  Where does that leave us in the healing process? Not understanding the push-pull dynamics and the intense emotional dysregulation is what keeps us stuck, and can also lead to multiple recycles for many here. 

Thanks for your reply.  That's the question I ask myself , where does that leave me. I'm still terribly hurt and heartbroken. 
And yes as he texted me he tried to break up before and I wouldn't let him go. He did not intend to hurt me and still feels for me but never felt comfortable with me and I scared him
He said all that before as well... .I scared him n supposedly reminded him of his father when I would vent or rant as he called it.

He knows he needs help, and even told me he thinks he has a personality disorder. And was in therapy.

I'm struggling with hindsight now and my bad reaction to him and telling him I felt raped and was going to report him to his employer ... .but he dumped me so coldly and told me he feels no connections with people , no emotions .     I'm sure I triggered him.
I guess he could mean it as he did try to get me to drop the protection order... .it freaked me out he filed one after he said he wouldn't... .he had guns and threatened to kill himself... .so once he struck first I knew that was the way to get those guns from him.   And get me protection do I filed on him. It may also be why he wanted less time and would not agree to six months.

I doubt I will be recycled... .I am just amazed at how he can keep himself in check with all that is going on in his head lately and still work.
He looked scared and upset in court. 

He must really have to fight the impulse to just pop up at my house as well , u less he views me as evil now. 

It's been two weeks since I saw him in court  and not even a month since the break up  I'm so used to is getting back together that this is very tough.
I feel like I failed in being there for him

I could walk outside and see him daily if I wanted . But I can't.


As you know this is just about the worst breakup to go thru.