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Title: ex-wife with undiagnosed borderline personality type Post by: dragonfly43 on April 14, 2017, 05:49:19 PM Hi - ive been seperated from my ex-wife for nearly five years now
we have two children who are nearly 14 and 15 and a half we have divorced and sorted out a rota for the children - we live near to each other and have tried to remain friends but she is very difficult and is either very very needy of my time and attention - practical help, emotional support, sound boarding about all the conflicts on her life Just as things settle down, she lobs some kind of threat into the mix, or de-stabilizes things witht he kids, or has a go - she blames me for the end of the relationship despite being the one who met someone else, moved out, bought another house and moved her new partner in etc she says her life is ruined and she doesn't get to parent how she expected anymore and blames me for this - but only some times, other times we seem to get on really well but she is very controlling - and as soon as she sees me move on/forward she ramps it all up again i just want some advice and support about how to best cope with her - her behaviour triggers a lot of anxiety in my and i am tired of feeling it - I just want to be able to have some emotional distance and not react to her sorry for the ramble - it's hard to explain in a few lines! Title: Re: ex-wife with undiagnosed borderline personality type Post by: trappeddad on April 15, 2017, 11:18:46 AM at my wits end too. other than winning in court, i have no advice. you cannot rationalize with crazy.
Title: Re: ex-wife with undiagnosed borderline personality type Post by: Bushido on April 15, 2017, 03:28:45 PM just focus on you...
no matter what she does. . . you need to move on with your life. crazy can not be changed and you can´t make sense out of nonesense... in 4 years i´ll be at the same place you are... .and there is nothing i can do about it exept just live my life... good luck mate Title: Re: ex-wife with undiagnosed borderline personality type Post by: FSTL on April 17, 2017, 03:55:19 PM How are you reacting when she goes crazy on you?
She will be feeding off the response you give her. With my exW (I am on here because of an exGF, but my exW - who is really insecure - displays the exact behaviour you describe), I went NC and only communicate by email. It takes the heat out of communications and when she does act out, I just tell her I am not responding to emotional communications and only discussing the kids. If she really acts out, I ask her to communicate with my lawyer (which makes emotional behaviour pointless), and she stops acting out as she is not getting any response from me. Put up some boundaries like you would with a young child and you may find she starts behaving a little better. But I agree with the other comments - look after yourself and don't focus on her crazy. |