BPDFamily.com

This is just a little vent, on Easter weekend I sent s10 home wearing a new pair of under amour pants I bought him, I am buying him more clothes to keep at my house. I did not want to send s10 home with clothes from my house but I did, well to date no clothes were sent back, I text her yesterday, s10 spent the night and the clothes were not in his clothes bag, asking her to send them next access visit, as I posted before, she does the same with food containers I put in s10's lunch ( I don't do that anymore) she would wait weeks before returning them and they would have rotten mouldy food left in them. As an adult I shouldn't have to ask but I remind my self I'm dealing with a sick person.

Maybe you can just try to control what you can control? As long as your son has enough clothing at both homes, you don't need to pack a bag. He can just make the transfer with what he's wearing. And let go of worrying about where any particular set of clothes "lives."

The food container thing is more annoying, but also easily fixed. Get really cheap food containers (such as the Ziploc ones) that you don't mind never seeing again, or switch to disposable packaging.

I agree with flourdust.  :)on't pack a bag.  :)on't worry about whose clothes are where.  Just make it clear that neither of you can dispose of or donate the clothes that the other person bought.

My ex funds our kids' school lunch accounts while I make them lunches.  If I don't get back their lunch containers, the kids buy school lunches on her dime.  That typically solves the problem.

I used to sweat both of your issues.  Over time you figure out how to make things work and they become non-issues.

Edit: If these things really do bother you, it is not unheard of to include clauses that address these in a custody agreement.

It the childishness of it all. As a normal thinking adult I feel I shouldn't have to ask. I don't play these games, I never have. One time I forgot to pack a toy s10 brought over, Xw called me up crying her eyes out telling me how irresponsible I am or a couple of other times I forgot items she would talk to me like I was a child and tell s10 to be sure all his things came back. In xw's eyes if you do something once, that's what you are or do for ever.

Yes, it's annoying. Yes, it's not good adulting. You know that's who she is and it's not likely to change. How can you move on from being agitated to just rolling your eyes and ignoring her?

I got to the point of expecting that kind of behavior. This way I am pleasantly surprised when she acts like an adult and not disappointed when she does not.
One of my ss's (her son from her first marriage) got married last year. It was a weekend event. Check in time at the hotel was 3pm and a bus was departing at 4 pm to the rehearsal. Afterwards the bus took us to a rehearsal dinner. Guess who was not there on time for the rehearsal. It was only one person. As we were driving to the rehearsal several people including the brides father were quite annoyed with ex. I got dragged into the conversation and I told them ex should have been told check in was at noon and she would have been on time. They kind of laughed at me so I bet everyone on the bus that she would show up at 6 pm. No one took the bet.
As we were getting back on the bus to go to the dinner my cell phone rang. It was ex and I handed it to SS. I got on the bus. SS was outside the bus having a conversation with his mom. The brides father asked me who SS was talking to and I explained it was ex. He looked down at his phone and saw that the time was 5:57. I could have made a lot of money on that one.
 

Are you fresh (or fairly fresh) into the divorce/custody process?  If so, it usually gets better as tensions begin to ratchet down over time.  Even if she never changes her behavior, you'll get much better dealing with it over time.  Hang in there.