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Title: Introduction Post by: hadenoughfred on May 09, 2017, 07:00:35 PM Hi just an introduction really
I have house shared for nearly 10yrs with my friend who has BPD amongst other mental health difficulties. It is time for me to decide to continue or not. I have learnt a lot over this time and I am not a pushover by nature but even so coming up against BPD in its highest form I defy anyone not to be affected by it to some degree and pushed over. So I have recently purchased walking on eggshells workbook after reading the text book a few years ago and also BPD for dummies. Hoping I can further my behaviour in dealing with my living situation in order for some more peace. I know I have to use some more strategies mainly for my own protection in dealing with my own anger. There are times I worry what I can do to my friend as they are not physically aggressive. But I could be. They are very high functioning and so know the buttons to press. I am still learning when to stop talking and trying to reason and just walk away as it is not the hour minute or time to try to resolve or communicate at all. So it is not necessarily basics that I need (although a reminder of that never goes amiss) but something else, or maybe it is just an ear as I have been alone with this. No one else really knows or understands. so that's me and here I am. hello Title: Re: Introduction Post by: Agatha on May 09, 2017, 07:04:43 PM Really, I think you should seriously consider changing your living situation. You can maintain a relationship with your friend but these are not easy folks to live with. Not always easy to just walk away and they consume you. You have to take care of yourself.
Title: Re: Introduction Post by: hadenoughfred on May 10, 2017, 06:08:15 AM Hi, I am considering after 10 years thinking its the end of the road, but we have worked hard together to get our lives as good as it can be. In many ways we are also co dependent as I am physically ill and she looks after me and I look after her mentally as much as I can. We are more like sisters than anything and have gone through a lot together. The fact that she tries to do what is hard or nigh on impossible for her like empathise deserves credit and adding into the mix of asking her to leave or to continue. She has had to make very hard decisions regarding her family who are massive triggers and is facing the fear of a dominant mother who will emotionally manipulate her to do what she wants. She has had to put boundaries on her and of course this is very very stressful for her and of course right now I will be getting the fall out. But she is doing it to help herself and ultimately our relationship. So its not straightforward right now.
Title: Re: Introduction Post by: Mutt on May 10, 2017, 10:06:20 AM Hi hadenoughfred,
*welcome* I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that you decided to join us, it sounds like you've been getting yourself familiar with BPD and you're trying to tweak some things in your r/s. Bravo for taking such positive steps, I agree with you that it helps to talk about it. If there are BPD things going in my life, I like helping others here or sometimes I'll start a discussion. You need strong boundaries with a pwBPD, you probably already know that your friend will try to bait you into a fight, we can't control others but what we can control is our thoughts and feelings. Try changing the tempo for yourself around the house by finding something to do, like cleaning your car or going out for an errand. It's something that she is going through at that time and it's not personal to you. What are the main issues? Are you trying to support her with her family issues? Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) Boundaries - examples (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368) |