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Title: Relationship Advice Post by: monkey428 on May 10, 2017, 01:59:17 PM hello everyone,
My boyfriend of almost two years suffers from what we both believe to be BPD. He is having a hard time right now and he's pushing me away. For the majority of our relationship, it was unknown to me that he was even having these problems. We have a great relationship, but every so often he would get mad about things that I never thought of as a big deal, and most people wouldn't. But for him it was huge and I never understood why. He recently came forward telling me that in high school (about 10 years ago) he was told by the school counselor that he displays strong signs of BPD. After hearing this, I researched and researched and I 100% agree. I am a very patient person, always have been and of course will continue to be. I want to help him and let him know that I am here and I will always be here, but he keeps pushing me away. He won't get help, so I guess what I'm asking is what do I do? I can't make him get help, but he needs a healthy way of coping with this. How can I help? And how can I convince him that I'm in this for the long run and I have no intentions of leaving his side. He tried to break up with me a few days ago, not because he doesn't love me, but because he feels like this is too much for me, even thought I have told him on several occasions that it's not. How can I get through to him. I am sorry if this post is all over the place, my mind is just in a million places right now, and I need help. Thank you for your support. Title: Re: Relationship Advice Post by: stayingsteady on May 14, 2017, 04:45:10 PM Hi monkey428,
Welcome to BPD Family! You've asked a lot of really good questions: 1. What do I do? 2. How can I help? 3. How can I convince him that I'm in this for the long run and I have no intentions of leaving his side? 4. How can I get through to him? These questions are extremely common here, so you definitely aren't alone. I wanted to try and answer your questions to the best of my ability to hopefully provide a little peace. 1. What do I do? I would recommend beginning to develop a strong understanding of these relationship dynamics. This site has a tremendous amount of resources that can help. The most useful of these as you get started are located on the sidebar to the right. 2. How can I help? As you learn more about BPD you'll discover that individuals with BPD often react out of fear. This fear leads to a variety of actions that can seem counter-intuitive (such as loving you and pushing you away at the same time). Because fear is often the primary reason for these actions, it can be useful to monitor our own actions to prevent this fear from getting worse. The majority of all the information on this site revolve around self monitoring. 3. How can I convince him that I'm in this for the long run and I have no intentions of leaving his side? This is a really good question and one that comes up a lot. Unfortunately words don't have as much meaning for an individual with BPD because these fears can run so deep. The best way I have seen in providing an understanding that you will be always be there is to do just that. 4. How can I get through to him? I believe the best way of getting through to him is by using a personality trait you already possess; patience. Getting through to an individual with BPD may take longer than we often would like. When patience exists we can increase this likelihood. I hope this information helps, - Staying Steady |