BPDFamily.com

Hi, I am new to this message board, so I hope I'm doing it right.  I am a 61 year old woman with 7 seven adopted special needs children.  My current problem is that I have a very hard decision to make, and I don't know what to do.  My newly-turned 18 year old daughter, who is diagnosed with BPD and PTSD has been in a local psych hospital for the past 3 weeks after a suicide attempt of jumping off an overpass onto our parkway.  She was 302d, followed by a 303 hearing on 4/28/17.  She has not received much of any treatment while in the hospital and her 303 will expire this week.  She has been turned down by two of three adult DAS programs, and is third on the waiting list for the third.  She is begging to come home and do outpatient therapy with her psychiatrist and attend our Center for Traumatic Stress.  She has been in numerous RTF placements, hospitals and specialized group homes as she was made dependent by Children & Youth Services due to 36 police calls and interactions.  She has been victimized by 4 male staff at the various RTF placements.  She is very impulsive and involved with a few much older men.  I have talked to the hospital numerous times and they feel I should bring her home and try again!  Their alternative if the DAS placement doesn't happen, is to provide her with a list of homeless shelters in our area! Our local county office has her on the wait list for MH housing and we have a supports coordinator, who has been very helpful.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you very much.

Hi there bethiew55

I wanted to welcome you to the forum. I'm very glad you're here but very sorry to learn about your troubles with your adopted daughter.  You've got your hands full with 7.

I live in the UK so don't fully understand everything you've said. I do understand though that your daughter desperately wants to come home and that it's highly unlikely she'll get a placement in residential therapy and that if neither of these things happen she'll have to go the shelter.  This is a very scary prospect for everybody and I can see how difficult this must be for you.

I know it's been a few days since you posted. Has your situation changed since then?

This is a difficult question to ask but do you want your daughter to come back and live with you? I make no judgement here, goodness knows dealing and coping with BPD is just devastating and exhausting. I just wanted to understand if this is a possibility at all for you and your family.

LP

Hi Bethiew, I join LP in welcoming you!  God bless your family 7 children!

I think it is easy for hospital staff to have the view of "bring her home and try again".  We all know this is easier said than done.  My D17 had been hospitalized many times before placement into residential and she was begging me to bring her home to wait for opening.  As hard as it was for her father and me, we couldn't allow it as we were not confident we could keep her safe. 

My D remained in the hospital for 2 months for her placement to be made.  I would be very cautious as we know how manipulative our kids can be @ times. If you don't feel you have he strength/ability/sanity to keep her safe @ home then I would fight for the hospital to keep her until appropriate mental health arrangements can be made, not a shelter.

Stay strong and keep us updated.
Bright Day MOM

Thank you for your responses.  Since I last posted, our daughter was discharged to an adult DAS program.  She ran the first night and took a ride with a strange man.  She then met up with a 13 year old girl she met while in the psych hospital.  Then faked a call to the crisis center, who drove her back to DAS.  Next day, she ran again and got picked up by local police who discovered she had a warrant.  She spent the night in the county jail and has another hearing later this month.  They moved her to a crisis center, which she hates so she told them she felt suicidal and was taken to another psych hospital, who is very familiar with her, so they evaluated her and returned her to the crisis center.  We visited her last evening and she spent the visit screaming and blaming me for the situation, so I left.  Her bond requires her to remain at the crisis center until her hearing on the 30th of this month, but I doubt she will stay.  She found an old friend on Facebook, who will allow her to live there.  I can't believe this! Had two constables at my house yesterday to arrest her, but she had already been arrested.  I'm so tired of being judged by police, hospital personnel and others! In response to Bright Day Mom and Lollypop, I don't want her home until she receives treatment!