BPDFamily.com

Hello,

First i want to excuse my broken english it is not my first langage.

I am in a 13 years relationship with my girlfriend who just discovered she had BPD. She has always been looking for something that was wrong with her and has always seen a psychiatrist , or been on medication. We have to 2 boys together . I guess that i though that when she found out what was her problem things were going to change, but it seem to me that she uses the BPD to justified her action and behavior. She does therapy and she is follow by a psychiatrist. I know she wants to change, and step down this roller coaster of emotion, but sometime i find it hard to see here willingness.
Me, i have never have and strong self esteem, and mostly avoided comfrontation, in my everyday life. so i find it really difficult to take all this in and to not be listening to. i would like to be the one who can help her that she would comme to me for help, and not a stranger who, does not know her, talking about the psychiatrist here. A lot of the time when i try to talk about her behavior or what she should try to do in a certain situation, she becomes defensive and angry, telling me that all i do is judge and complain about her. That angers me cause all i want to do is help her. So i try to let her be, but i have trouble to do this without giving the impression that i don't care about her. And then that start to make her insecure in are relationship.

Yesterday, at dinner time, because i mention that we should not put back empty jar in the fridge, and i said this to everyone at the table, this included my 2 sons, she lost it, started to cry saying that i always complain about what she does. It is true that my tone of voice was not very neutral, but i told her that i was not aimming her only, and it was a message for the whole family. But she got more angry and left the table with her plate and then my son started crying, and i just did not know what to do... .

So this is why i decided to join this groupe i hope i can find answers and help.

 I know that, you cannot change others, you can only change yourself, but it is hard sometimes.

Hi A.Camus, 

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I can see how frustrating and stressful it would feel if our pwBPD is not putting enough effort into T. I'm glad that you decided to join us.

She's just wired differently, you mentioned low self esteem, a pwBPD have low self esteem, low self worth, self hate, self loath and are highly sensitive, something that to you and I may not seem like a big it could feel condescending when we tell our pwBPD to not put empty jars in the fridge. A pwBPD need a lot of validation, everyone wants to be heard, validating doesn't that you're going giving your pwBPD carte blanche to do anything, we validate what is valid.

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating)