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Title: Lost, scared Post by: Raine210 on May 16, 2017, 10:43:13 PM I am here because after 52 years of marriage my dad is finally tired of the emotional and verbal abuse. Tomorrow they are taking a break for a few days under guidance from their/his(mom's not going anymore until he works on his issues and she sees some changes) counselor. What if he backs out? He couldn't do it when we were kids and then we are going through all this turmoil for nothing. What if it doesn't work the way we hope and all hell rains down on all of us but especially me because that's they way it's always been and because we've been developing a better relationship in the last year and she feels so abandoned? Wait! I am abandoning her. But I have to hold it together and go on like normal with my family and at work and I have to call and be supportive to my dad. Ugh! I like to hide and withdraw from the human world when the craziness starts.
Title: Re: Lost, scared Post by: Naughty Nibbler on May 17, 2017, 12:18:22 PM Hey Raine210:
Welcome to the community! I'm so sorry about the turmoil within your family. It's never a good time to have your parents split up, but it has to be tough after 52 years. Was there a recent episode that put "the frosting on the cake"? Quote from: Raine210 we've been developing a better relationship in the last year If I understand correctly, your mom is the one with BPD or BPD traits? :)o you have any insight into how your relationship with your mom was improving? Was she doing something to manage her emotions, were you "SPLIT" (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0) to good versus bad?Quote from: Raine210 What if it doesn't work the way we hope and all hell rains down on all of us but especially me because that's they way it's always been What is the way you hope it will go? Have you been a caretaker for your mom?The information at the links below should be helpful for you in your current situation. You may need to tame the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) There is further information of FOG at the link below: FOG DISCUSSION THREAD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0;all) It can, also, help to manage validation of feelings at this time, with both parents. Sometime, it can be best to just don't invalidate (by words, body language or expression). Validation isn't about agreeing with someone's position. It is just acknowledging their feelings. DON'T INVALIDATE (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) Hang in there. :)on't let yourself get into a degree of caretaking that you don't really want. It could help to get some counseling for yourself. |