BPDFamily.com

As many of you know my x filed a false protection order on me and  to protect myself I file do one on him... .which was a horrid two days in court and finally him agreeing to a settlement ... .he is my letter carrier.

I have good and bad days still, but it's getting better. Now that the weather is warmer I have a new routine... it helps .  I let myself cry when I need to , I'm eating again , exercising again... .
I've detached from a few unstable relationships in my life, although painful... .I'm basically with no local friends... .it's ok though because those online and via text are very supportive ... and I found the fake local friends that gave no support were just making me hurt more... .
I still have a toxic family situation to sort out

I find I'm self advocating for myself more, I notice flags in people more , I notice a lot.  I notice when someone tries to push my boundaries and I don't allow for it.

The relationship with my x ripped my life wide open and unleashed deep hurt that .my councilor pieced it all together no nicely.

My free counciling is almost over I will end just before the court date... .she has been great and I will miss having her to vent to.  Another loss of sorts

So she asked me how I would feel once the order is over ... .will I still feel safe... .
I didn't have a real answer other than he could find me anywhere ... whether I'm in his route or not ... it's the truth as my x can track down anyone easily...

I have to say that this controlled avoidance is nice on some days ... .I kind of like going about my life now, driving by him with no care... .knowing he has to walk around my house and stay away all because he caused all this.

in the beginning I had bad ptsd just at the site of anything mail related.   

That being said last nite I had a dream that I was in court with my x and despite having attorneys we were talking to each other and I was pleading with him to settle and be done with the mess.  I woke up ok, not devastated . 

I assume he's still in therapy as he has had a lot of time off... .and he never takes time... .so that is good and I hope he sticks with it.  He knows what he has and knows he needs help... .I just hope this time when they bring up his family he doesn't quit like he told me he did in the past.  I know he doesn't want to be the way he is ... .and I guess I've reached some forgiveness ... .

I guess until July I have a few more months of controlled and forced avoidance and each day I hope I become stronger .   
The irony is if it wasn't for him walking in front of my car and my subsequent meeting with the detective I wouldn't have found my councilor ... it's funny how life is sometimes. 

It sure is... .:)

You sound in a better place, Idsrvt2. I'm glad that you are taking good care of yourself. That really will make you stronger every day. Time does help in that, too. 

I've seen free counseling offered in unexpected places. Maybe your therapist will have some tips about how to continue with a different organization. I know it's hard to leave a counselor with whom you have a good rapport, though.

heartandwhole