BPDFamily.com

Hello!
After years of everything from diets, brain wave therapy, meds, books, counseling, academic advocacy, and much more... .I've been told about the possibility of my daughter having BPD. I quickly bought and skimmed the eggshells book and it fit. The extreme sensitivies, suicide attempts, manipulation, need for attention, need to be loved and when loved it's just never enough love. It all fit. My brilliant, funny, sensitive soul. I'm trying to navigate through and search around and see where to begin. My biggest struggles after two attempts within the past year, extremely low grades, lack of intrinsic interest, yet high SAT scores... .is trying to support, set limits, love, and guide her without micromanaging and not resenting. Being able to be there for my 14 year old daughter too who has anxiety from our life and nurturing myself. I'm thinking this may be relatable to most here. So I feel validated by this new info and would like to connect with those who are at least a few steps ahead for guidance.

Hello Inzen,

*welcome*

You've found the right place for support. 

I get the low GPA, yet high test scores... .I was such a child. I've been out of high school for over 25 years. If your daughter is 14, she may be either a freshman or sophomore, yes? Is it typical where you are for kids that age to take the SAT?

Do you have professional help in the mix,  like a therapists given her attempts?

Turkish

Thank you for your reply. It's my 17 year old that has the biggest issues. She's a junior. It's hard for me to lower expectations for someone so talented where things come so easy yet follow through is so tough. We've tried it all and I've always been proactive since she was in kindergarten due to ADHD and her sensitivities. I never knew about BPD until yesterday and it makes sense.

Hi Inzen,

Welcome and hello  :)

It sounds like your daughter is very talented and yet struggling to live up to her potential. That must create lots of anxiety for her and behaviors that are perplexing for you.

Preparing for adulthood is so stressful these days for teens. My son is 15 (ADD and emotionally sensitive, too, plus some other things) and labeled gifted. Every day is a balancing act -- it is a struggle to just get his work done and submit it. Your description of trying to support, setting limits, provide love and guidance is very familiar.

Does your D17 know she may have BPD?

We are here to walk with you.

You're not alone 

LnL

LnL,
My therapist told me about it yesterday and wanted me to read about it first and not discuss it with her. She wants me to try the strategies from the book. This is not her therapist so it's not official but most of all of the traits are there. I have a 504 plan for her at school so work can be submitted late but even with that it's still beyond late. I've actually researched how to let your child fail because I feel frustrated by micromanaging. I think the tips here will help because I'm trying my best to love her but of course it wears out our family. How are you coping and what works best for you?

Hi Inzen,

I'm in a very similar situation with my 17 year-old daughter.  She was recently diagnosed with BPD traits.  We also read the eggshells book right away, read a bunch of articles, and joined some chat groups.  Having this information has been really helpful in a lot of ways.  It explains much of her behavior for her whole life and has given us some strategies.  On the other hand, the diagnosis kind of freaked us out, and it freaked our daughter out, too.  I had to seek out some stories of people who are living successful lives because I was feeling hopeless. 

In regards to school, I think it's amazing that any kid makes it through high school nowadays without suffering from at least anxiety if not worse!  The pressure to get good grades, get into a good college, get more good grades, get a degree, and get a job is unbearable.  In my view, it is incredibly unhealthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.  The message kids are getting is that the value of the rest of their lives depends on getting into a good college.  I teach at a college and am a firm believer that college is for ANYONE, but it isn't for EVERYONE.  In California, there is a test that kids can take that is equivalent to a high school diploma (not like the GED, which is not equivalent to a diploma).  We let our daughter take it and get out of high school early.  It was a hard decision, and I'm sure I'll never know for sure if it was the right one, but we just couldn't watch her suffer through high school anymore.  Of course, this is not an option for everyone.  We just try to reassure her that there are lots of paths to a good life.  But it is hard to readjust our own vision for what her life will be.

Well, I'm not that much farther along in this journey than you are, but I hope you feel better knowing that you're not alone.  Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Thank you Flannery!

I will look into that test. I'm also looking into online courses. Just had to follow her around in my car because she refused to do her homework at her dad's house (amicable divorce a few blocks away) and she had to through some drama instead of accept the consequence. She decided to just walk away from his house and I had to make her go into my car after following her around.

She put the pressure on herself to take tons of AP classes then had to drop two mid year then critizes how bad the regular classes are like. I am also in California and teach elementary. I understand what you are saying about pressure. Getting mail from top colleges everyday doesn't make it easier. After she was in a mental hospital for five days in November after taking a mix of pills due to homework issues and her lying now we are here... .watching her scramble to get Cs. I will google the test you mentioned but if you can give me more info that would be great.

I also appreciate your approach to good examples out there. I will seek the same. I am keeping the diagnosis on the down low, she has enough on her plate for the next couple of weeks.