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This is really great insight. The abuse I allowed myself to experience was so subtle that there was only a few instances of screaming at me. I found this article to explain how we end up dealing with this. My exe's emotional abuse was much of of the witholding kind. Here's the article for anyone.

https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/partner-stops-giving-silent-pain-emotional-withholding-fiff/

I don't know if anyone can relate. But when I read this stuff it reinforces what kind of a relationship it was. It does make me feel relief that I did the right thing to get away (despite on and off begging for 6 months from me to have her try again with 1 recycle mixed in where I slaved over her). But I don't want it to be a "pitiful me" story where I feel like the victim. I sent a rage email yesterday as you are mostly all aware where I laid out the abuse I suffered during this relationship. But then I did explain that it was my own choice to stay in the relationship when my heart was telling me to leave. And I explained why I got involved with a relationship like this (because of my own faulty views on relationships, and the rescuer role I have). I just feel like when I tell some people what happened they are probably thinking "Oh get over it. Stop being a victim." But it's not what I'm trying to do. Does anyone else struggle with this?

Because the article you posted is true. 90% of this is what happened. I did allow it. But I feel like a part of me was under the assumption that this was a loving, mutual relationship despite all actions speaking to the contrary.

Jambley,

THANK YOU for this link.  Every single point applied to my relationship and to see that all 15 points were bang on for the abuse is horrifying but also reinforces my pride in getting the hell out of there.  I've been emotionally knocked recently and this has given me strength.  We're survivors, all of us.

Love and light x

Yes we allowed it because we had seen how loving they were to start with, we hoped that it was a blip, we hoped they would get over whatever was going on in their head. We loved them , we forgave them.
We are loving kind forgiving people, they are not.
That article is spot on but it misses the bit where after a few hours of St I got the
"you are a misserable ass, you have ignored me all night, I've tried to talk to you but you told me to shut up because you are watching TV"
All BS and the other way around.
Her ST was always followed by her accusing me of doing it.
She is a loony tunes ... .end of.

Glad you found it useful