BPDFamily.com

Hi, I don't think my daughter is BPD exactly but she definitely has abandonment issues (long story, I'm not her birth mum, but part of her anxiety is probably my fault too.  I've posted here before, but right now I feel like she is doing really well and any emotional problems are probably more on my side than hers! She is behaving in a principled and kind way, which I'm very grateful for.  So this post is different than the ones I've made before.).

She did one semester in college and got honors, then needed a break and is thinking of joining up (navy), that it will give her structure and help her grow up. I like that right now she is motivated to work out and be really physically active, and that she has a goal, I'm just worried that once she joins, she can't change her mind and she might be lonely and some folks in the military may drink a lot, do drugs or do stuff that further traumatizes her. She's a very attractive young woman and guys are almost always attracted to her.  I'm not a military vet myself, so I don't really know what its like.   

Has anyone on here had the experience of joining up or had kids do so, who have some of these emotions of abandonment and the whole BPD cycle?

Thanks, any suggestions or thoughts welcome, especially from anyone who has been there!

Hi Incadove

I was hoping that you'd have had a reply by now but it appears that nobody has experience of the military.

I used to think that my DS should join up and I thought he needed the structure and despite me saying that he should, he strongly resisted. I can see now that this would have been the worse thing that could have happened for him. 1. he can't harm a fly  2. he hates taking orders   3. he likes to non-conform - this just isn't what the military needs!

Are the only reasons for joining the navy because she'd get structure and do some growing up?  If so, I wonder if there's other paths that she could consider that wouldn't entail signing up for a lengthy period of time.  I'd be feeling the same as you.

I have a distant relative that was a mental health nurse in the air force. I know that she experienced a heavy workload when she was posted abroad.

Has your daughter been dx with BPD?  I know there's the initial training period - would she have to pass that before signing up?  What's her choice of job in the navy?

Sorry for the questions!

LP

Thanks Lollypop

I don't really know, she has not been diagnosed except with PTSD anxiety from traumatic experiences in her childhood.  She is ambitious and wants to be a rescue diver.  I do not want to dissuade her and she usually accomplishes what she sets out to do but I'm just afraid the boredom will get to her (not the challenges, she's good with challenges).  But she needs a lot of emotional support and feedback and positive feeling.  I am just trying to be supportive as she trains and leave it up to her, she hasn't actually signed up yet. 

Thanks for answering, I'm going to just keep going and see how it goes.  I think if she really breaks down they will let her out, but I want her to be successful and have this be a building experience for her.

Hello,

He might have missed your post, but I think Formflier is retired from the army. Maybe you can send him a PM.

xx

I am a 22 year employee of VA, I am telling you in no uncertain terms that it's a really, really, bad idea for a woman with BPD to join the military.  The military is not in the business of fixing people (advertising notwithstanding) they are in the business of fighting wars.  Sexual predators are very adept at identifying potential victims and a young woman with BPD would be easily victimized in that environment.  I realize I risk offending some service members in saying this and I'm sorry about that, but I know what I know and I've seen what I've seen.

Hi Incadove,
I wish I had advice, but what I have is a very similar situation and wondering the same thing!
After reading Big M's post, I'm thinking twice about it. My BPD daughter (19) also interested in military. Wants to sign up for the Army. She would like to work with dogs ultimately. I believe they use them to sniff out bombs. The mom in me is alarmed at how dangerous that sounds already.

She's on meds for anxiety and depression though, so she's started the process of weaning off of those under her doctor's supervision. It will be at least several months before she'll even be a candidate for the armed forces. From my understanding, you can't be on meds like that to enlist.

Like you, I'm happy she's working out and has a goal, and she responds well to someone telling her what to do. She could use the structure. But until there's some sign she's turned the corner with BPD, I fear for all the reasons Big M mentioned that it's a bad idea. She's cute like your daughter. Ugh! She's got a long way to go in therapy before I'd think this is a good decision. Where do things stand with your daughter?

Hi Incadove,
My BPD daughter actually signed up for the US Navy when she was in her early 20's. We were not sure if it was a good idea or not. We thought maybe the discipline would help but were worried about the drinking (she is an addict). To make a long story short, she went to a nearby city to do the induction (was actually taken there by the recruiters). When she got there had to fill out paper work before a physical and was asked about prior medicines related to mental issues (she has been on many in the past). When she initially signed up she did not disclose to the recruiter. I remember her calling in a panic because there was something on the papers that said she could get fined and go to prison for lying. She got so freaked out she dropped out and had to get a ride back with two very disgruntled recruiters. One of the many crazy stories in my BPD daughters life. Trust me there are many more.

Thank you everyone for replying, Big M I really appreciate your honesty.

She had a chance a few weeks ago to have some long talks with my husband, and he basically talked her out of it and she's going back to college this semester instead, and seems pretty focused and determined right now.  So I am happy and relieved, I supported her choice but it was worrying me, and this sounds better.  She can always join later if she really wants to.

Shmoopy99 I hear you, maybe your daughter might like to volunteer with animal rescues, look into working with them, handi-dogs, or other animal work?  I don't want to derail my daughter's goals in any way but college definitely is more flexible in letting them figure out their own path.  I hope for the best, I didn't feel comfortable telling my daughter what she should do, but my husband felt strongly and I'm glad he did talk to her.