BPDFamily.com

Hi all, my first time posting on this board! Usually one for the detatching board as if I'm honest, I think that's what I should do, however, I'm still hanging in there even though the relationship is technically over between us.

I say it's over but we're still seeing one another, sleeping together, calling and texting each other all the time. The label has been removed but bar that it still feels like we're together. She ended things with me after it became apparent that she won't commit fully. I've almost stayed hidden from her family and friends, which I think is due to the smear campaign that she led against me when we split last year. That split had it all and I was discarded in a very traumatic fashion which destroyed me. 3 months passed and she came back. There's been a few I,D&:)'s during our 5 years together yet this split hasn't had the discard yet. Due to my wants and needs not being met and her refusal to commit fully, she felt that it was time to break up and go our own ways but here's the thing, neither of us have as of yet. Now it's tricky as she has said things to me which really should make me take off in to the distance. She told me she isn't in love with me anymore which killed me to hear, so what confuses me is why she hasn't walked away herself? I'm still hanging in there as I've heard this sort of thing from her before only for her latter to retract things, saying, I say stupid things in the heat of the moment. Now neither of us have discussed things, we've just carried on although at times I can feel the distance between us but then she will close that distance before pulling back again. I'm aware that this is classic push/pull behaviour.

I love her so much that I just can't pull away even though I've become a walking talking bubble of anxiety and one that feels in turmoil. I don't know whether I should just hang in there and hope that we can save this crazy relationship or if I should just call it a day and walk away. The latter feels to hard to do. There's red flags that suggest I should, like her ex and her being back in contact, which has me wondering if she's recycling him but even then she carries on with me.

Silly thing is, I know given time walking away is the most sensible option but I just can't find it in me to walk away. I know by staying im placing myself in a position to be hurt and discarded but here I am still staying in the madness hoping we can salvage things and move on to a happier phase. I don't know if that's what she wants as I'm to scared to ask but then think, if she's hanging on too is that a sign she isn't ready to finally walk herself. I them fhink is she using me.

I like be her so that's why I'm still here clinging on but am I just fooling myself?

Thoughts would be appreciated!

My own SO took off to a 300km remote town about a year ago. First I was told she will return in about two months but she soon - maybe after a month - decided to stay there. Our plans to move in together, pull up a business, our plans to marry all turned upside down when I found out she had no more interest in coming back to her hometown. To avoid our relationship to suffer from this I spent a huge amount of money to jet back and fro to said town every weekend. (I started neglecting my studies to a point where I am near uni expulsion). Imagine the strain on a bachelor student~
To repeatedly being told that "everything will be fine". Me virtually unaware of her mental condition kept fighting on a weekly basis with every cycle of hers.
The frequent fighting certainly took it's toll on our relationship, as about 3 months ago she started to split off, she came back to me though, changed. "my heart has gone far away" is what she fed to me.
Well to me nothing changed, I love her to bits and shambles still~ LDR come and go, we're still together ^^
Anyways, my point is, I have a boundary I unconsciously pulled up well over 2 years ago when we started out on this crazy odyssey.
If I ever found out she would cheat on me, that's the ultimate end of our relationship. I haven't yet ^^ so I keep going, despite the red-flag raised due to the many stories I read on here.
Well certainly I would have done some things different if I knew about BPD before~ as I am doing now, trying to patch up things to defy that threeheaded dragon of splitting, but well it is how it is. Our relationship as it was ended long ago.
Anyways mate, follow your heart.

Wow so many similarities! The plans and dreams that come crashing down around you once the devaluing starts up and becomes lthevelephant in the room. Yet we stay don't we? We cling on in the hope that somehow someday we can salvage the relationship.

I seem to be in a constant battle with my heart and my head. My heart loves her heart and soul and throughout the traumatic times and struggles that's been the one constant thing that has never wilted away, that love I hold for her. She's treated me like a piece of tihs over the years, the cheating, the lies, the manipulation, the smear campaigns and triangulations, yet my heart still beats intensely for her and for our relationship. My head tells me to run away but I just can't do it.