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Title: I saw a picture of BPD mother who i am 2 years nc. She looks awful... Post by: Infern0 on June 20, 2017, 06:49:49 AM As the title said.
I saw a pic on a family members facebook. She looks like she has aged 10 years. I feel bad. I went NC as she had no capacity to validate the damage she did to me during childhood, and the situation was untenable. She has tried to break nc a few times. I have achieved growth during nc but am not the finished article. Nonetheless that picture made me ver sad Title: Re: I saw a picture of BPD mother who i am 2 years nc. She looks awful... Post by: Notwendy on June 20, 2017, 02:41:29 PM Hi Inferno-
Good to see you over hear from the relationship board. Our FOO's influence our choices of partners and our interactions with them. Dealing with our FOO's can help us in our relationships too ( and vice versa). It's OK to feel sad. We feel what we feel and whether we are NC or not doesn't change that. We go NC for our own sanity if we choose to. We can't fix our BPD mothers, but that doesn't stop us from feeling sad or wanting to be able too. My mother is a widow, and I feel sad for her situation. It isn't what I wanted for my mother. It isn't the way I wished it could be. I imagined playing a larger role in my aging parents' lives. I wanted to. But when I tried, I realized that the way I wished things could be was not the way it was. It wasn't going to be Norman Rockwell like dinners with grandma at the table and smiling people enjoying a Thanksgiving meal. It was raging, verbal abuse, drama, any time we ( her kids tried to help her) and her telling us how sad and alone she was when we'd had enough of her behavior and stayed away. Life with mother as a younger woman wasn't Norman Rockwell and grandma isn't going to be different from who she is. What has changed is that she isn't strong an independent, she is a dependent and elderly woman who is mostly alone. That makes me sad. It's sad because no matter what, she is still my mother. But I had to make my sanity and mental health a priority and not feel responsible for her choices. So, be sad, if you are sad. It actually is sad to see a picture like that. But that doesn't mean you need to step in and change or fix it. Title: Re: I saw a picture of BPD mother who i am 2 years nc. She looks awful... Post by: Fie on June 20, 2017, 03:25:59 PM Hello
I relate. I was NC with my BPD grandma for over a year. She initiated and sustained the NC but recently I thought I'd give it a try and I visited her. She did not seem happy to see me though. She looked so old and fragile. It shocked me. I want to be there for her and protect her in some way, but it seems she's not really interested. xx |