BPDFamily.com

Undiagnosed BPDgf moved out about 30 days ago and I have never felt better. I am at so much peace now. I did not think that I would ever get to this point.  It's now at the point that when I see her or I'm around her I get nervous and anxious and all of the bad feelings come back.  What a joy it is to not have to live in a state of fear everyday.  When I do see her she does try to hit me with FOG but using the skills from this site I have learned to manage the fog.  We were doing couples counseling prior to her moving out.  Her affair seems to have died out because she is calling and texting me constantly.  Most of the time I dont respond.  The messages are never urgent, a lot of times she wants to see what Im doing.  She wants to get back together but I definitely don't want to right now I know shes still seeing other guys.   I am conflicted about even wanting to continue the counseling.  Just wondering what you all think.  I just dont know why I would give her another shot to put me through hell.  My only consideration is that we have 2 daughters together.

Congratulations on finding peace and joy.  That is wonderful for you.  I think you have answered your own question.

What is your boundary about your girlfriend seeing other guys? 

What is the situation with your daughters?

Hoping your contentment continues,
Mustbe

Thank you for the good wishes.

 Now that we are separated I have no boundaries with her seeing other guys.  That is what she has been doing and I have gound a way to find peace with that.

I see my daughters whenever I want.  Unless my uBPDgf has an attitude because I dont answer her calls promptly. 
Somrtimes I keep them overnight.  My uBPDgf is horrible with kids so whenever she gets a chance to pawn them off she takes it gladly. 

Hi Anuday, you mentioned that your only consideration was for your two daughters, and implied that another shot with girlfriend would be putting you through hell.  Is that accurate?

It's difficult to be a good parent when you are being put through Hell.  I know from my own experience. 

It sounds as if you have access to your daughters as you want.  That's great. 

So the question seems to be are you better off together or separated?  I know how difficult that question can be because there are so many shades of gray. 

It sounds as if your contentment is continuing.  Congratulations! 

Thank you and yes I would say thats an accurate assessment of the situation.
Im not sure in which situation the kids will be better.  Her oversight and parenting is so limited. I dont want the kids getting hurt or injured.  

My exuBPDgf is acting like she wants to get back together and that her affair/breakup was no big deal.
She has a nonchalant why cant you just get over it attitude.  Its confusing.  I guess this goes with pwBPDs refusal to accept responsibility or blame.

No... .don't go back.

Hold on... .I just actually read your post and yeah... don't go back whatever you do. Seriously... .I managed to leave mine for a month. And it was probably the best month of my adult life. I literally felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders... then she showed up one day threatening suicide... .I got in the car to escape and she jumped on the hood screaming "you will not abandon me!" I tried to drive her to the emergency room and she opened the door and threatened to "tuck and roll".  So I agreed to let her stay so she could get stable... .that was 1.5 years ago... since then it has been nothing but violence and insanity in the home.

She gets worse... .never better.

Please for the love of god don't go back.

Jac,
Im sorry but that was  funny.  Thank you for the advice.  This BPD is so crazy.  My ex cries and you can see shes in deep pain.  One wonders why she doesnt get help.  She tries to set up situations for us to be in contact or situations where she needs my help.  She totally knowa how to manipulate me to gain control.  I guess I have to throw her for a loop every once in a while.  As soon as she knows I care about something she tries to press my buttons on that issue. I have found totally ignoring her to be therapeutic.  So glad we are still apart.  So glad I dont have to go to support groups every week.  Your gf jumping on your hood is ridiculous!  Congratulations on your month of peace.  I hope you get another soon.  I too have pictured her standing at my doorstep homeless saying she needs a place to stay.  Hopefully I will be in a solid relationship by then.