BPDFamily.com

It’s been a few months since I last posted, things were ok for a just a little while, around June,many family distractions, and company here to deflect from the "standard operating procedures" around here in our home life. But here we are again, she's mad, .no furious !, for days now, .stonewall is up, .only "hisses" towards me, .scowls at me, dirty looks, and dysregulation if she talks to me at all, .I am on the couch in the office, and there is no end to it in sight at the moment. What started it again this time, well the same old tried and true methodical confrontational circular argument, .my autistic Son. Yes, once again she started to go after him, he's too slow, he takes too long in the shower, getting out of bed in the morning, too slow getting dressed in the morning, so forth and so on... .and I did refrain from stepping in, but I always hovered nearby, radar up, and alert to anything "going too far", .then last Friday she went too far, I STOPPED her, and reprimanded her once again, and of course she blew up... .over the last month (plus), her daughter and BF were up visiting, so that meant good behavior, and distraction... .a good thing (yes), .then she was off to a state of another name to take care of her D during recovery from a surgical procedure, which was about a ten day period, and as well my Son went to see his mother for two weeks, which uBPD/wife hated, and let me know in certain terms and treatment, via the phone while she was away... .so I was completely by myself for almost ten days, and it was great, .did I miss her, .I have to say, NO!… I did not, .yes, I mean that, no I did not miss her, .wow (yes). I did however miss my Son, .but everyone needs a break from constant care of others, .so while I was by myself, and she was not calling me, due to her anger over me letting my Son go to see his mother for a few days, .it was very quiet round the house, I would get up and go to work, come home, make something to eat, watch the news, .and enjoy the peace and quiet, and "think"... .so now to the point, the subject line reads, ":)efault behavior pattern."... .this is what I now believe to be true, my lovely wife (uBPD) has a default behavior pattern, her bottom line is this, she is a VERY angry person, she is ALWAYS mad at someone, for some "thing"... .if she is ever "happy", or up-beat, or else nice to others, this is a fake, a phony, not real, she is putting on an act, and it does not take much to "deflate" her back to the dead line of her normal default behavior, that of being quite nasty, condescending, judgmental, and just outright mean to others, maybe a particular person, or persons who she deems "needing correction", or “out of line”... .that may be me (her husband), my Son, our other children (2nd marriage for both of us), .maybe her brand new daughter in law, other family members perhaps, as in her own mother,  my mother, or her others older sibling sisters, and their "idiot husbands"... .no, never a dull moment with this women, but quite numbing  however, and you'd better never let down your guard around her, of get "comfortable"... .many posts ago, I posted several "checklists"... .and they are indeed ringing true today.   As for me, .well what is my "default" behavior pattern, .I am happy go lucky, laid back, appreciate peace and quiet, and nice people, avoid confrontation, a "peace maker"... .happy in my own skin, so forth and do on, .a team builder, a calming effect towards others... .so I am blood in the water to her, as I am also a protector, a caregiver, and I defend those who cannot stand up for themselves, and sometimes, that is my own autistic Son, verses my own wife... .so sad, that this keep happening... .during this last, and ongoing conflagration, I suggested as @formlier said many weeks ago in another post I titled, “my wife the step Mom”, .that maybe we seek some kind of effective counseling on how to take better care my Son, how to better understand him, his behaviors, how his mind may be working as he grows older, .as he is an six-seven year old in a thirty-one year old grown man’s body... .to maybe be able to have some peace, love, and understanding... .she said, ." NO, I'LL DIVORCE YOU FIRST!"... .oh well eh'... .any ideas out there... .I fear am consigned to this existence, not the first time divorce has been threated, and “quite frankly", I don't care anymore... .I asked myself a question last week, when she got home, and PROMPTLY started in on me... .were you happier while she was gone, and I answered back to myself, yes, .YES!,yes I was... .it has come to that you see, .she will never change, she is only going to get worse and worse, this is her default behavior pattern you see, .the bottom line, the base line from which everything else will be measured.