BPDFamily.com

I am just looking to reach out to any other parents that are co-parenting with a BPD partner. My partner of four years has borderline personality disorder. I find him very difficult to deal with and it has taken quite a toll on our relationship. He is however brilliant with our three year old. I can't fault him as a father on his good days. These are few and far between though.
His disorder is often the cause of our arguments when it comes to childcare because I feel as though it is sometimes used as an excuse not to parent.

I am the sole breadwinner in our family - something I never anticipated before me and Peter met. Regardless of medication he cannot hold down a job because he has zero commitment.

I am here I guess because I am looking for some help, some advice? Nobody I know has ever been through this. I don't know anybody else with the disorder or any other families dealing with it in their life?

Can anybody out there help?

Hi BPD Partner and Welcome to bpdfamily.

Having a partner with BPD definitely can take a toll on a relationship. It takes a lot of work on ourselves and our communications to avoid making things worse. Add children into the mix and it gets quite a bit more challenging.

It is great that you see the positive in your partner with regards to how he interacts with your three year old. Positive regard is one of the building blocks for staying in a relationship.

Sounds like you have some resentment building though on the work/income inequality between you. Do I have that correct? People with BPD often have a hard time holding a job - I think it is primarily their difficulty in having appropriate boundaries and not personalizing events with people who are in close relationship (even work relationship) to them. Can you elaborate a bit more about how this relates to childcare and not parenting?

The members on these boards have a lot of experience and are very supportive. This is a safe place to ask questions, vent, try out ideas, work out what you want and need to do to keep your own health in living with a challenging disorder. There are a lot of excellent communication skills and lessons posted on the right hand side of the Improving board that may help, as well as information to help just understand the illness better and improve awareness of the relationship and parenting dynamics that come about from it.

I encourage you to keep posting and please let us know a bit more about the specifics of your situation so that we can help as much as possible. It's understandable to feel that you are all alone in dealing with your partner's disorder, but I hope you will find there are a lot of understanding members in this community who can walk with you on this journey.