BPDFamily.com

My moods are so wildly inconsistent. I love my boyfriend and then I am scared of him or mistrust him. He does say things to me that hurt me and then i feel like I'm floating away or disconnecting. Eventually I run and immediately feel sorry for running away. i have no idea what to do and I'm taking meds and in therapy. It would be great just to have a couple email pals that understand me. there aren't any decent groups in my area and my friends basically don't understand or think i'm crazy. I'm literally desperate and jumping out of my skin. I want to run back to my ex-husband and beg him to take care of me again. I have this great boyfriend but have been pulling and pushing him away for over a year. He is fed up and I really need some advice or some open dialogue (online is good) to help me get through this. I've never felt this way before and am scared that I feel so crazy that I own't be able to survive. sorry for the intense drama in this message. I just feel so intensely.

Hi Wendela,

I'm sorry that things have been so turbulent with you. What causes you to want to run away from him? Does your boyfriend have BPD?

There are some aspects in the relationship that disturb me. Usually he is super kind and wonderful and then he lashes out with something unkind. My cousin called to talk with him yesterday and he was really upset that she was interfering in our relationship. He called me and yelled while I was crying. He tells me how mentally ill I am and how all my friends aren't really friends at all. My mother is a bad and evil person and my friends are all bad. So I have nobody but him and then I start to feel boxed in and isolated. My BPD kicks in and I feel like my mind is floating away from my body and all I want to do is run. And then I crawl back.

He doesn't have BPD but is a physician. I just wish I could stop doing all this back and forth stuff.

I hope that you are able to find the answers you are looking for. Healing from BPD takes a lot of hard work and it sounds like you are in a place where you want to begin making things better. It takes a great deal of courage to seek help!

This site is for family members and relationship partners of BPD sufferers. This is where we learn to support our loved ones, and where we learn to take care of ourselves. Because of this, we do not have the resources to help individuals with BPD, but I encourage you to check out Resources for BPD Sufferers (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/welcome3.html).  You will find links to more appropriate forums, where you will find others like yourself who were brave enough to have taken positive steps towards healing.

I wish you all the best in your healing process.