BPDFamily.com

 My husband and I have been dealing with our child with BPD for several years, but has just recently been diagnosed with BPD and a few other mental illnesses. He has had clinical depression and took medication for that, but also deals with extreme anxiety. In the last 2 years, he has told us he also is dealing with gender dysphoria, and wants to be a girl. There are so many issues within that, and with the BPD, anything I say or do is wrong.  I always have to think about what I will say to make sure it won't get twisted but it always does.

Welcome to you, Heartof3:

Some have more on their plates than others and sure seems like you have your share!

First of all, how old is your son?  Does he hold down a job?  Does he have siblings?

Thankfully gender dysphoria is getting more and more attention and for your son to have to deal with those feelings along with his other diagnosed problems, life must be so difficult for him... .to say nothing of what it must be like to be his parents.

I sincerely hope you are in touch with professionals who can help all of you along on this difficult journey.  Hopefully you will stay active on this form as you continue this journey.  If nothing else (but I hope more!), it will give you a chance to vent and to be heard.  Sometimes it is easier to pour out your heart, all the while remaining anonymous.

Once again, Heartof3... .welcome!

My son is about to be 25.  He usually holds down a waiter job for about a year, sometimes less.  He just graduated from college with a "psychology" degree, but has not found a job other than a server.  I have two other children.  Another son who is 23, and has some contact with my first son.  I also have a daughter, who has no contact with my older son.  Again, there are so many issues within issues.  His position is that if we can't be his "cheerleader" and encourage him down this path, then he refuses to have a relationship with me and my husband.  But of course he wants us to pay for his life, his surgery, hormones, etc., which we refuse.  The BPD, we believe, causes him to rewrite the history of his childhood.  No matter what you say, it won't be the right thing.  Discussions usually end up with him telling me how horrible of a Mom I am, and was, and how we have screwed up his life.  That we are the cause of everything.  He told us about the transgender issue a year and a half before he graduated.  We think that along with the BPD, that his daily use of marijuana and his frequent use of LSD and mushrooms, probably didn't help his mental issues - but may have done irreparable damage.    I know there will be many on this site that encourage the transgender issue.  In my heart, I do not believe that my child is transgender.  I think he dislikes himself so much, that he wants to "remake" himself.  He agrees that he has BPD, but puts everything else on the back burner so that he can pursue being transgender and transitioning.  The counselors he has seen have not helped the issue, but I believe have compounded it.  I think he needs to deal with the BPD before anything else, which may help with the gender dysphoria. 

I currently do not know where he is living or working.  At this point in time, we are not speaking because he says it makes him upset to deal with me.  He hasn't spoken to my husband for almost 2 years now.  Don't really know where to turn from here.  Just waiting for the next harrowing phone call... .