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Title: Has anyone ever had this feeling? Post by: APB0613 on September 08, 2017, 04:12:16 PM Hi all,
So if you've viewed any of my previous posts you know that I've still been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster i suppose. I'm good, I'm not good, I'm happy, I'm not happy, i got this, i don't got this . I've been doing better lately. I started going back to therapy and she gave me some really good techniques to employ like mindfulness. If i have negative thoughts to ask myself "do i believe these things to be true or what purpose are these thoughts serving in helping me reach my goals?" Among other things. I'm back to exercising 4x a week (down 15 pounds yayy!), i started doing volunteer work, and i joined a class to learn medicinal herbs. What i mean by saying this is I'm starting to do new things with enthusiasm! I'm thoroughly enjoying investing in myself and i feel more balanced and at peace. I'm totally feeling myself- insert hair flip - . It's been 1 year and 7 or 8 months since my breakup with my BPDxbf and about 4 months since my breakup with my rebound (who was definitely a narcisstic sociopath) and I'm moving forward, living in my truth, honoring myself, my beliefs, my feelings, working on my healing, and listening to my gut. However every now and then i get this feeling... .I'll be doing so well but it's like there's a shadow behind me or maybe like there's a door that's open that should be closed or like some sort of string trying to keep me connected to the past? Or maybe it's a reminder like "hey look at the distance you're putting between you and the ugliness that is the negativity and past." I don't know. Have any of you experienced this feeling? I've tried to put some thought into it and it isn't a constant feeling it lasts for a few moments then it's gone. I'd love some insight. Title: Re: Has anyone ever had this feeling? Post by: Mutt on September 09, 2017, 12:06:43 AM Good for you you're working out 4x a week |iiii Its funny that you mention the string of attachment to something, it's how I envisioned still have a tether or string attached to my ex that for me, was the final stage of finally letting go and complete detachment. It felt great. I can't say that I've thought about it in the context about being connected to the past.
I can see how the past would linger if it's something that was comfortable at one and taking care of yourself, having goals and trying to move beyond it would feel like it's something unfamiliar, maybe feel like something that you shouldn't have. How long have you had these feeelibgs? Title: Re: Has anyone ever had this feeling? Post by: APB0613 on September 10, 2017, 12:29:32 PM Hi Mutt!
Not too long. Maybe a week or 2. It's hard to describe. It's like I'm just tra-la-la-ing along and I'm past the horrible treatment i went trough, past the grief, and I feel joy (which has been a struggle. Normally when I'm going through my routine i feel nothing). As soon as i feel the joy that's when the shadow comes and taps me on the shoulder like hey over here! Or the string gives me a little tug. I'm ready to let go. I've read about a mindfulness technique where you have an actual string and you envision it's connected to the past and you cut it. Maybe I'll give that a try because honestly that's what it feels like. Like the crap i went through doesn't want to let me go, and i know that's not true . More like my subconscious trying to tell me I've put in work and have had a lot of success in healing but to not stop and stay diligent perhaps. Title: Re: Has anyone ever had this feeling? Post by: Mutt on September 10, 2017, 12:42:04 PM Ah I remember a similar past discussion
Emotional Cord Cutting (Hinduism, Buddhism, Spiritual) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=230923.0) I hope that helps. |