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Title: Overcoming insecurity Post by: Rubyjs on September 10, 2017, 11:33:39 AM His jobs requires him to travel a lot, sometimes for a couple months. He's honest and I don't think he'd do anything that would betray my trust for him, but I still feel uneasy at times.
I know it's not him, it's me. How do I overcome this? Title: Re: Overcoming insecurity Post by: JoeBPD81 on September 12, 2017, 06:34:06 AM Hello Rubyjs *welcome*
Those are called intrusive thoughts and they make us suffer a lot. The way to overcome this, I'm afraid it's different for each person. I dismiss them because I know they can't bring me any good. I think, if she is not cheating, I'm worrying and suffering in vain. If she is cheating, it can mean nothing, and she still loves me and wants to be with me, or she would leave. If she cheats and it means something, and she is in love with someone else... .Well I'll get the memo in due time, and in the meantime, ignorance is bliss. If she ends up leaving me, all the suffering in advance is going to do me any good? I prefer not to know. At least while I have plenty of evidence that she loves me. But that's just me and my situation. Maybe it doesn't apply. I know most people can't just dismiss a feeling in such a pragmatic way, I know they can't help it. BPD people can't, even after learning something didn't happen, the feeling keeps influencing them for a long time. On the other hand, in this board there are people who have been cheated on and keep fighting for the relationship, so I would like to know what do they have to say about this. I'm sorry you are suffering and I hope you find a way to feel safe with this. Title: Re: Overcoming insecurity Post by: Tattered Heart on September 12, 2017, 09:09:46 AM Hi Rubyjs,
I'm sorry that you are feeling so insecure in your relationship. Has your partner ever cheated before? When you feel insecure about things, how do you react to those feelings? What is something you think may help you feel more secure? Title: Re: Overcoming insecurity Post by: Rubyjs on September 19, 2017, 10:13:10 AM He has never done anything to suggest that he betrayed me before. I usually try to acknowledge my negative feelings and talk myself out of them, but that doesn't seem to be working when it comes to the paranoia that he will cheat. And it's putting quite some stress on the relationship... .
Title: Re: Overcoming insecurity Post by: Rubyjs on September 19, 2017, 10:16:07 AM @JoeBPD81: Thank you for your suggestion and kinds words.
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