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Title: Her love is so shallow Post by: PaticAttack on October 16, 2017, 10:49:43 PM She loaned me a scarf when we 1st met, now the "other" posted a picture of herself wearing the same damn scarf. That got my goat! I texted my exBPD in a drunken rage. "I know the truth and you know the truth. The person you think you love is the one you are lying to. Do you think she can smell me on that scarf?" I kind of regret it but at the same time I don't. I can now see that I meant nothing. My love for her was deep and sincere. How can she sleep at night? I wouldn't be able to let my new gf wear the shirt that I had loaned her.
Just venting! Title: Re: Her love is so shallow Post by: PaticAttack on October 16, 2017, 11:37:30 PM Now it feels that all the love and acceptance I was trying for, for myself and her have turned to morbid hate. I don't want to hate someone that I loved. This is all so poopie!
Title: Re: Her love is so shallow Post by: pearlsw on October 17, 2017, 01:29:22 AM Hi PaticAttack,
Sounds like you have a lot to get out of you. Breakups can be extremely painful, I know. I think this is an important notion you raise, you wrote, "I don't want to hate someone I loved." One way to avoid getting caught up in hate, I think, is to work on understanding of BPD - and not from a hateful place, but from a place of compassion. Hate will only eat you up and leave you drunk texting when you could be doing something, anything better. Post break-up time is you time - time to make you feel better, not worse! :) If you want to better understand the "why" of this read up on the information here on the site - I know it has helped me to process a past sudden/unexpected loss. I got dumped out of the blue many years ago by a really great guy with BPD traits. It was devastating. I never hated him, but I desperately wanted to understand why. He never gave me any answers or clues. Ever. But that desperate desire to know why never left me. Study up on this stuff, find your answers, the community can help. And then keep moving forward. So many wonderful things can happen in life when you are open to it I think. :) It is not true that you meant nothing, of course not, but people with these issues have great difficulty maintaining stable relationships - that is not about you. That is not personal. This link on What is BPD? (http://www.What is BPD?) is a good reminder about that topic! It hurts and it feels that way, but it really isn't about you. Perhaps the lesson on the right of the board about Healing - the big picture (http://www.Healing - the big picture) can you help you as you move from anger to healing? Wishing you peace on your recovery journey! Title: Re: Her love is so shallow Post by: pearlsw on October 17, 2017, 06:34:37 AM Hi, I'm noticing I'm not the link master I thought I was today. :) Let me get you links that properly direct:
What is BPD?: https://bpdfamily.com/#clinical-overview Healing - the big picture: https://bpdfamily.com/#clinical-overview Title: Re: Her love is so shallow Post by: PaticAttack on October 17, 2017, 06:23:14 PM Thank you for your kind words Pearlsw! I am in therapy and am working on myself. I have read a ton of stuff about BPD and am getting myself a book on DBT for more understanding but also for my own emotional imbalance. I know where a lot of my abandonment issues come from, I have been/thought I've been working on resolving them for years. I am feeling better today, I guess I just had to let go of the "fantasy" dream relationship that I thought was developing with her.
Title: Re: Her love is so shallow Post by: Mutt on October 17, 2017, 09:49:50 PM On the topic of compassion I wanted to talk about self compassion in two forms the first self protection, are you in no contact? Have you thought about not peeking on social media? Maybe get off of social media for a few weeks if the temptation to look at your exes posts are too strong.
The other form is self care, what do you do for self care? |