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Title: in love with a male partner with BPD traits Post by: Zen606 on December 04, 2017, 07:40:03 PM Hi to everyone. I had been in a relationship with a man for about a year and during this time there have been 3 breakups. This is a red flag that something is not right. The last breakup was over something he said. I told him that if this was true then I could not trust him, he never answered my question about whether it was true or not and became very angry and said that this 3rd separation was the final one. I accepted this. I apologized for my role in the issue. Then he apologized and wanted to know when he could see me. I told him I was confused because first he said the break up was final, now he wants to see me. So I asked, do you want to get together to say goodbye? I have not heard from him since. Its been 3 weeks. I believe that this is a silent treatment and I am being punished for pointing out the inconsistency. I could contact him and ask him to meet me so we can talk, however if I do, because of the intense feelings I feel for him, I will re-connect with him and the whole thing will start again until the next break-up over something that may be an issue but does not merit such an extreme reaction from him. After reading the literature he appears to have BP traits. His sister and mom appear to have similar anger issues and have difficulty establishing relationships. I would like to mention that he had a stroke some years ago, is disabled on his right side because of this and has ED (erectile dysfunction). He is creative and can be a great person, affectionate, loving, and passionate when he is not angry. When things have been good between us they have been wonderful. When they have been bad its been excruciatingly painful. My mom had BP traits , she made life for my family a living hell. She was very abusive to all of including my dad, emotional and physical abuse. Any feedback from anyone would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Zen606 Title: Re: in love with a male partner with BPD traits Post by: Bo123 on December 04, 2017, 07:58:01 PM Be ready for a wild ride which you have already experienced. Will it change, probably not w/o counseling which BPD's don't like. Love is a drug and makes us overlook things we would normally run from. You seem to have a good handle on the situation. Re-read your own post, what do you think? Best of luck as at best BPD relationships are at least a roller coaster ride and get worse from there with few exceptions. Your happiness comes first.
Title: Re: in love with a male partner with BPD traits Post by: Harley Quinn on December 06, 2017, 06:30:30 PM Hi Bo123 and welcome
I'm sorry to hear about the break up. Regardless of knowing you have good reason to avoid re engaging, it is still very painful to break such an intense bond. Your r/s sounds very rocky indeed and quite typical of one with a pwBPD. The breakup makeup cycle is a hallmark. Those intense highs followed by the lows can leave you feeling emotionally drained. Do you think you are really done with the r/s this time? What has caused you to feel differently to the other recycles in the past? When you looked into BPD, what were the traits that stood out to you and what did you struggle with the most in the r/s? Although there are many similarities in the stories on these boards, each sufferer has their own unique make up and may have stronger presentation in some of the traits than others, so it's good to share your story. It also helps to get things off your chest and into a forum where others will understand without judgement. I'm sure you've seen that it's a very supportive community and that others will relate to you. Tell us a little more when you are ready to share. Love and light x |