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Probably over 200 calls and 1000 texts in the last two days.  I hit my limit with the abuse and nonsense being doled out.  She told me to leave and get the f out so many times.  Far too many details to even start.  She even initiated the conversations with the kids about me moving out.  So I did.  I had enough.

She will not stop.  Its relentless.  To the point where its scary.  She finally broke down and told me she'd take the "non-negotiables" off the table so we can heal one another. 

I don't want to heal her.  I need the space to heal myself, but its hurting my kids and the whole situation is terrible.  If I don't go home she files divorce papers.

Anyone on here who knows when you hit "that point" what I mean about how you feel.  She has through her words just killed me.  I don't even want to see her.  The phone rings or buzzes and I shake.  I can't be around her.  I feel like a beaten dog chained to the corner of a dark room.

I just can't do this.  Please, any coping strategies that have helped you, please share.

-Oz

I found that that it really helped to be around people when I was at "that point" with my ex. I was afraid of him, what he'd do. I sure didn't want to talk to him or even cross paths with him. There were several times when he showed up when I had people with me, so he had no opportunity to act out, as he would likely have done, had I been alone.

It's good to have people you can confide in. Going to new places without previous history helps. I spent a fair amount of time in coffee houses and discovered new cafes. It's good to temporarily distract yourself and give yourself some breathing room.

Don't think you need to get it all figured out at once. Just take it step by step, trying to be mindful of the present, preparing for possibilities without fearing the future.

When it's that intense, it's an amazing practice of being in the present. I found that I had to constantly remind myself to stay present.

Most of all, breathe. It won't be long before you are looking back at this chapter in your history book.   

Oz,

Coping strategies, what did I do... .I "compartmentalized" things, I lived in the here and the now, one day at a time, sometimes down to an hour at a time.

As Cat says, you have to take it step by step, practice "self soothing"... .I used to run around the sea wall in Japan, during my first divorce, physical exercise is a great way to calm yourself, I also used to go for long and fast paced walks, I spent a lot of time outside... .these days, I immerse myself in my work, I go down to the water, and watch the boats and seagulls with my Son... .I try to stay as busy as I can so that when it comes time to sleep I am able to.

You have to let go of the past, its gone now, the more you think about that past wrongs, fights, and events, you will taint the present, and you can certainly not really control your wife, her actions, or what may come tomorrow or the next day.

Do not let yourself sink into dissociative thinking or worrying... .this will only make your here and now worse.

Give your mind a break, go to the movies, go to the coffee shop as Cat says, get out in the public, around other people... .ie' the mall or something... .take good care of yourself, and try to put distance between yourself and what has happened.

Hang in there, hang tough, like I said, and as well Cat, it may come down to just getting from one hour to the next, then one day to the next, small steps.

We are here and listening Oz, hang in there, v/r Red5