BPDFamily.com

my sig other has all the symptoms of BPD, I may adopted some myself now, we started a family together, I know its over but I can't let go, can never reach this person no matter how I try, perpetual hell, lost, abandoned, alone, no peace in sleep, dreams, anywhere. Chasing a dream, life of values, family fix for our children that cannot be had or does not exist anymore, my others love, I was an enabler or is the true enabler the laws which allow so many opportunists the right to abandon, take all without investigation for fault, and claim financial rewards for their actions?  

Hey bgg2745, welcome, everything you are expressing, is normal, can you tell us a bit more about your situation?
This place, has literally saved my life.

my sig other has all the symptoms of BPD, I may adopted some myself now]

at the very least, you have to enable the illness, for it to be around... .it also dictates you fall in line, and the path of least resistance is to mimic... .when in Rome, do as the Romans... .now is not a good time, to be so sure of your decision making... .feeling based conclusions, are all too often, leading us the wrong way... .they helped, in getting to this situation... .

we started a family together, I know its over but I can't let go]

with children involved, i hope their well being is being considered... .they are the true victims... .did u end the r/s ? do u wish to still be in the r/s ?

can never reach this person no matter how I try, perpetual hell, lost, abandoned, alone, no peace in sleep, dreams, anywhere

I know this scenario well, with many others on this site... .For me, it later became help to insight on how/why, i decided to stay in such a toxic r/s... .Somehow i had the insight to understand, that what I was experiencing, was much more than this r/s... .I was right for once

I was an enabler or is the true enabler the laws which allow so many opportunists the right to abandon, take all without investigation for fault, and claim financial rewards for their actions?  

Could be wrong, but it appears you seem to be shifting blame, to family court laws? Many believe they are doing the right thing, only later to realize, they were enabling... .we enter these r/s ignorant, but also on our free will... .I wish u well PEACE

Hey bgg, Welcome!  Many of us have faced the same issues and been through similar hellish experiences, believe me, so fill us in a little about your situation when you can.  If you are posting on this board, presumably you are trying to get a handle on the aftermath of a failed r/s.  We've been there, my friend, so let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim

Hi bgg275,

*welcome*

I’d like to join the others and welcome you to the site.


That’s a tough place to be. Have you talked to an MD or GP about getting quality sleep? Are you eating well? Are you taking care of yourself?


I had similar feelings that our family can’t be complete the family is complete if you have the kids to teach them values without being in the middle of all the chaos.

How many kids do you have? Do she have custody of the kids? Do you see your kids?

Hello again

I am happy to see some replies, I feel imposing on you all but I thank you. To respond to your messages; She follows all the symptoms of the "BPD relationship cycle" on this site which shocked me to read it and see the exact similarity minus her actual name on it! I could not believe that this was an identified pattern of which I knew nothing about and that I got caught in it. When I met her she was close to destitute, had nothing and I would never get involved with someone like this except when I saw she was educated, timid, passive, a great listener, loving, easy to be with... .until she has an episode which happened once every 12 to 24 months with depression, anxiety, erratic conclusions, distancing  o, ( unlike a person who displays a problem daily she is serene 90% of the time to the point of - dream come true) then she seemed to lose all control and express her unhappiness by leaving suddenly with our children (no notice, never violence or even visible anger or arguments).  There were triggers but nothing that I perceived to be justified of such extreme action. She also had a history of hurting herself when she was younger, mother being the cause, having destroyed her own family and yet she runs to her for money and support (being the only one who talks to her). Mother asked no questions and I always treated them well. She left 3 times in 7 years, children came in the second year so it was not easy for me to just wash my hands of it. She needed sex all the time, I realized she equates it to love? if she does not get it she believed I was resentful of her, and she was losing control? She acts conservative in character with other woman and strongly supportive of woman with a distrust of men, (she was faithful) yet she desperately now seeks the worst choices on line for a quick sex fix (therapy?) I would like to say that all of this became more apparent to me over time ( only at court my attorney discovered 32 different residencies nationwide in 25 years with few or non lasting friendships) and yes I was more and more to blame for not doing more and more for her which I now know would have accomplished nothing but more liability and debt. I tried to fix this each time because of the wonderful person she was most of the time, I come from a European family and family is the most important sacrifice in our lives which is why I have been dedicated. Culturally I feel out of time. It is also harder to know that it is not entirely her fault from her history. I do not blame the courts for this problem primarily but HERE is another enabler, I know from association that many fathers (millions) get taken advantage of by the this status quo,,, I had "no rights" in my custody battle after months of payments and adjournments which widled me down to nothing. As long as she continued medication and monthly doctor visits she had the decision and the onus was on me to prove the court, not visa versa, this despite ALL our personal histories.  I locked my children at least in close proximity and spend all the time allowable with them, I have worked all my life a respectable job, been responsible and providing, no vices, only to feel like I have been with a reptile all this time, I'm sorry but this all sucks.

Hi,

That sounds realy tough. What is your master plan? How are you going to heal yourself?

BPD relationship is really hard, and consumes lots of energy when it is on decay. My gf had same sympthoms as you described, I also find out this as you do. It took a year for me to find out.

I strongly beleive that mine has something like bipolar. But I cannot describe it, I am not doctor but there is seasonal impact on her mood in defined time intervals. As you said before, when that times come it is hard to cope with it.

But I beleive now I could cope with it, as I am very calmer and understanding than before. Maybe if you reconcile somehow once again you can use it as an advantage to your relationship.

My poor suggestion is dont get offended what she do, and what she has done. Give yourself and herself some time and space. When you feel like you can cope with her actions, and when you feel understanding then you may try it again.

Here there are members who is already have families and they are able to cope with their partners. I think you can learn from them how do they achieve it.

Good luck

I just wanted to pop in and welcome you to the board.

I'm so sorry you are in such pain. In my experience, I know that being abruptly abandoned over and over by someone I that I loved caused a stark and confused emotional agony that's extremely hard to get away from. I woke up with it, took a bath with it, went to work with it... .everywhere I went, there it was in my pocket looking at me. I even had chest pain, like my heart was actually breaking.

Father Time is a friend. Journaling is a friend. This very board here at bpdfamily.com is a friend.

Just keep your focus on you and your children, as that's all you can humanly handle or know.

As painful as it is right now, the pain will eventually ebb away.  Even so, years from now, you may never ever understand why she left. And, most likely, she won't either. Your knowing her internal mental landscape is nigh impossible.

My point is this: Take good care of you, as that is within the realm of possible.


-Speck