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Feeling better. I did end up spending  a night with the ex, but we agreed it was the last time... .I said goodbye and thought I meant it ... she contacted me the next day asking if I was coming back that night. I wanted to , but didnt. She told me she was working on herself,and all the usual b.s.
Do they really think we are stupid?
I see through all the lies now, and don't believe any of it. She believes so many delusional things  , it's kinda creepy hearing it now that I am feeling more confident about detaching.
I still want to help her though. I still love her. But that's just who I am.
I'm feeling free.

Hi TheTruth,


You're two weeks out when you have more time behind you you'll feel like there's more fog that's lifted and you'll see more clearly. I recall being in the thick of it and I didn't think about the dysfunctional behaviours from both sides it felt normal but it didn't because of her intense anger.

Once you start detaching you start to see your ex in a different light, I couldn't believe that I stuck with her for as long as I did we had a family together and I was doing it for the kids. Today I see the dysfunctional behaviours her pattern with blameshifting and projection on the one hand I sad for her because she's likely going to stay this way and I have no attraction to a person like that today because I changed my behaviour with how I treat others and especially how I treat myself.

Do you really mean that you're over her if she calls and wants you spend the night again? Can you stay emotionally detached with her while you're in full contact with her?

I'm not over her at all. I love her very much, I still do crave her, but I see her in such a different light at this point.
 I'm not completely emotionally detached, but I am feeling free of the hold of the relationship and my need for it to work. I see much clearer in regards to who she really is and that's freeing. The whole situation sucks . But I think what I mean is... .I just accept it as it is. If that makes any sense .

You said that you still want to help her. I understand there are s lot of caretaker types here. She has a serious mental illness that we can’t fix our love is not above the disorder. Work on yourself and on detaching you can have compassion with boundaries.

Amen brother. I think we are saying the same thing in a different way. I am Just speaking how I feel inside my heart. The things in my mind. I feel and think all those things, but I understand much better what exactly has happened. I accept who she is, and I know who I am.

I’m not sure you are two weeks out if you stayed the night. Shouldn’t the clock go back to zero? Also you might be surprised how what you think is a small tear into contact becomes a larger one. In three days do you really think there will be no fall out? Even for just you emotionally.

Good point. I'll report back and be honest about where I am at. I'm one of those weirdos who tries to look at the positive in everything. Could very well be I'm subconsciously fooling myself at this point. Lol

And just to clarify, I love her, want to help her and crave her in my heart and mind. My essence on the other hand tells me it will never work without dtb , therapy and massive change (which I've told her) and I accept that. I accept the situation as it is and will.move forward focusing on healing myself first. I feel free from the hold of the relationship though.

Thanks for not taking that badly. I guess I would doubt that you are really free if you just spent the night with a person that you love and crave.

No problem at all. Honestly part of the problem is that the sex was good and I'm very attracted physically... Lol.  The sex wasnt as good this last time , it felt detached... .I crave a love connection , which wasnt nearly as strong this time... Which also seemed to help me in my ability to move forward in letting go.
That's just me though, I wouldn't recommend my course of action.

Yeah. Well let us know how it turns out.

You called it. Back to the cycle... .guess I'll be moving to the trying to work it out board... .

Annnd back to day 0 . With a nice contusion.  Good head butt though. Well executed

Hahaha. Sorry.