BPDFamily.com

Hello.

My wife w/BPD just told me that her father has invited my family and the family of all her brothers on an 8 day vacation in June about 9 hours away.  This would mean there would be 10 adults and 9 children on this trip.  Wife w/BPD's father has offered to pay for our cabin/room accomodations only.

There are several problems I have with this vacation:
-We cannot afford this vacation.  I am buying a house and she needs to save money as she is now working part time while applying for disability.  Even if her dad pays for the room it will still cost a ton in gas, gifts, food, etc.
-This trip is over our anniversary.  I do not want to spend our anniversary with her family.
-8 days is above my limit for what I can stand with her family.  3 days is my absolute limit.  I have never even been on an 8 day vacation with my wife.  Also, her family probably will not want to "go out" or do anything social/night life.
-I have 2 online graduate classes that start the Monday of the trip.  I will not want to be working on them on vacation.  I also can't work ahead since they are starting that day.
-I have a problem with someone else paying for my vacation.  Also, her family thinks everyone has to be together at all times and do everything together.  This drives me nuts.  Also, I don't want to eat McDonald's every meal.
-Too many little kids to really have much fun.  Also, her parents don't get moving till about noon so part of the day is already wasted.

All I have told my wife is "it doesn't sound like the best idea for me."  I have received complete silent treatment for days after saying this.  I would be open to having just my wife go with her family if her father is willing to pay her way and if she can earn enough Paid Time Off to miss work.

One last thing, her father said he would pay for our wedding and then stiffed us with a $3,000 bill, so I don't trust this guy to pay for anything.

Should I offer that just my wife goes on the trip (and me & my 4 year old daughter stay home), get more information, or just wait to see if the whole thing dies down?  It seems like I am in a "no win" situation no matter what I say.

Michael43,

I can concur with loading up and traveling hundreds of miles with my u/BPDw... .ah’ the war stories I have about that !

I say don’t borrow too much trouble so far in advance as it’s still February.

June is ways off yet,

I have to say also that my u/BPDw also “over plans” everything as this is a control issue for pw/BPD.

I say put it off and say I need to think over the logistics of this enterprise, let’s discuss again in a few days as I will have more information on the feasibility of us participating in this family trip.

Thoughts?

Hang in there !

Red5

Hi Micheal43,

*welcome*

I agree with Red5 you have a lot of time to plan. Maybe step back and give her space and reframe your thoughts. I feel bad for you I can see how it’s unappealing.

Do you think that you work the online courses angle and say that you can’t go for school reasons. It’s a few months but usually I plan my vacation almost a year in advance. If you’re not up to it it’s nice of you to let her go, your keeping your D4 with you she can’t say that she had to watch over her the entire vacation.