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For years I have been struggling with my daughters behavior and everyone from teachers to doctors to other family members kept telling me i needed to be harder on her because she was just a spoiled brat who needed more discipline. Nobody had any idea the war zone my husband and i dealt with on a daily basis. It was so frustrating and exhausting. We tried therapy but with no success and finally when she turned 17 the depression and anxiety and  violent outbursts had become more dominant. She kept telling me she feels crazy and she doesn't know whats wrong and we were making several trips to the hospital for feeling suicidal and threatening it but the doctors were still telling me she was just doing it for attention and trying to manipulate me. They believed she would never actually do it so they sent her home every time until one day she finally attempted it and they were forced to keep her overnight. The doctors and psych nurses still kept telling me the same thing. One nurse even told me she was just throwing a tantrum like a toddler. I was so frustrated and didn't know what to do but the next day we talked to another psychiatrist and that's when we heard the words borderline personality disorder. she said she couldn't give an official diagnosis because she wasn't 18 yet but she knew without a doubt that is what we were dealing with. She gave us a list of books to check out and when i went online to read about this disorder i had never heard about i was shocked! Every sentence i read was word for word what we were experiencing! She had all 9 of the criteria for diagnosing but still couldn't officially be diagnosed because she isn't 18 but at least now we have a direction to go in and my daughter is having more confidence because someone finally understands. Now we can get the tools and help we have been so long searching for and i feel like if we knew about this years ago we could have gotten the help we needed then.

Hi mamagabs78,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to the family. I'm sorry that you and your husband went through years with falling through the cracks and not being heard. I can't imagine how isolating and distressing that would feel.

I'm glad that you have finally found us there is hope! It helps to talk to people that are in similar situations as you and can offer you guidance and support. Read as much as you can about the disorder you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You have read about BPD the one thing that you'll notice is how much more information that you pick up when  you keep reading about it.

Reading about BPD is going to do two things it will help normalize the disorder and it help you to understand why she acts the way that she does and that it is not something that is personal towards you or your H it's something that she is going through. Learn to become indifferent with the behaviours you neither hate them or like them - depersonalize it.

Does she have siblings? How's your H coping? ( husband ) I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.

50 Common Questions (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=45.0;sort=views;desc)


PS the lessons are on the right side of the board  *)

Welcome Mamagabs78, 

Let me join Mutt in saying I'm so glad you've found our site and joined our online family! What a relief you must feel to finally be getting some answers after all these years. I'm so sorry for the struggle you've gone through! How hard, beyond hard, it must have been. You and your husband sound as if you've done so much to try and help her all this time. Thank goodness that you've been there for her. Sounds as if the advice given was not shared with any understanding. Yes, they often act like a toddler with a temper tantrum, but it isn't so easily dealt with.

Not many people understand what BPD is nor are they able to grasp the intensity of what those living with someone who has BPD go through. We have lots of information and help to guide you, plus the boards are a great place to get extra help from those who know what it is like, and who know what you are going through. Jump in to read, and to post and share your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

 
Wools