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One thing I really want for myself and my life is more travel. There's so many places I want to see, and I dream of retiring abroad someday. My sort-of-sometimes-gfBPD loves the idea of travel too, but she's never actually been outside of the U.S... I took a couple domestic trips this year, but did not take her with me for various reasons. She is always begging me to let her join me on my next big trip.

Together, we've taken a couple of short jaunts to sightsee within our state, spent a couple of nights in hotels, nothing too trying, places we could drive or take a bus to, no navigating an unfamiliar language or culture. These little trips have so far been fun and successful. She actually seems to "wake up" a little when we're in a new place, seems less prone to creating drama and chaos.

I wonder if she would be ok doing a slightly longer, further trip, possibly a cruise, or someplace requiring a passport but not too far, Mexico or Canada or the U.S. V.I... .But I'm nervous about her having an episode somewhere foreign where I don't know how to navigate the healthcare system, or just having an expensive trip ruined by BPD drama.

Traveling with anyone can be a crapshoot. My exhubby and I had some of the biggest fights of our marriage while in exotic destinations, and he did not have a personality disorder or several antipsychotic medications to maintain.

Does anybody on this board travel with their pwBPD? Stories of success, or cautionary tales? I struggle with so much ambivalence about this relationship, at some point I really have to make a decision as to whether this woman is a part of my future or not. Thanks!

Oh no! I posted a response to this, but I was having internet connection issues and it didn't post.  I'll try to remember everythign I typed out.

It's wonderful that you want to travel and to have your pwBPD come along with you. It sounds like you've had some pretty good successes with traveling with her in the past. You said the other trips were within your own state. How many hours away did you travel?

Travel with someone with BPD can be hit or miss. The change in schedule, new experiences, and just the frustrations of traveling in general (like different beds, delayed flights, etc) can cause someone with BPD to begin dysregulating. But you said your gf seemed to come alive when traveling. Maybe it suits her well. If you are worried about going too far out of the US, could you start with longer short trips, such as a couple states over? This would keep you within the same type of services and help within the US if needed. Then if those trips go well, begin planning longer and bigger trips.

My H and I drove across country several times. The car ride was often horrible as he would dysregulate at the beginning of the trip and any time we ran into normal travel issues. Our last trip together was awful. I wanted to go sight seeing and he just wanted to stay in the hotel. We fought and the trip was so frustrating. I told myself I wouldn't travel with him again. It's been 3 years and we haven't gone any further than visiting his family. I miss traveling and would like it try it again.

Hi Lady Itone,

I've experienced drama and breakup threats everywhere we ever went. It is just taking the at home show on the road. Nevertheless, you have to live your life and have your dreams.

What might you have in mind? How could you prepare for worst case scenarios? Are you prepared to go no matter what?

wishing you happiness, pearl.

I'm not committed to traveling outside of state with her, it's still in the fantasy stage, something I wish for rather than know to be possible.

Tattered Heart can you travel without your H? Personally, I have no problem going places alone, though it would be much nicer to have a companion.

I wonder if something low-stress like a cruise would be cool for her. We wouldn't have to travel far at all to get to one. The ship is the "home" we return to every night, no matter how many places we travel. I've never done one, it doesn't appeal to me much as a form of travel, but I'm sure I could have fun.

But, as Pearl mentions, "Are you prepared to go alone?" I can totally see myself booking a cruise to try to make her happy then she flakes out on the cruise, and I go on a stupid cruise all alone. Pooh.

I'm working up to this. I would absolutely love a lone vacation or even a vacation with friends. Convincing my H to agree to the cost of a trip for me to take by myself is the difficulty (or at least what he would say is a hinderance). Reality wise he would feel very rejected if I took a trip by myself. My sister used to take trips without her SO and my H would get upset about it. When they broke up, he said that the fact that she traveled so much without her bf showed she didn't really want to be with him... .or something like that. So... it is a goal for me, but more like a 1 or 2 year goal to work towards.

Travelling with my husband is a big part of our relationship - we take a trip twice a year for our birthdays (fortunately 6 months apart).

I'd say our trips have really strengthened our bond through our shared experiences and built a lot of trust, when it's just us relying on each other in a new place where we know no one.

In fact, we're on the last day of our holiday today and I'm writing this next to the pool while he's working out in the gym. I always choose hotels with a gym because he likes to work out early in the morning (and it helps keeps him stable). I like alone time in the morning with a coffee.

I would probably never do a cruise, simply because I think it would be boring for us both and you never know who you're going to be stuck with!

I take a lot of time planning our trips and combine sightseeing and adventures with romantic and comfortable hotels. It keeps us both engaged and he really appreciates it. I can't think of a time when he's ever dysregulated on a holiday!

Maybe start with planning a trip within the States that includes a balance of new and interesting things, as well as time to relax together in romantic surroundings. If that goes well, you can plan for an overseas trip.

Travelling is the best!  :)
 

Sorry - double post!

Travel! Whatever! I travelled with my difficult husband, and he loved it, but we often fought desperately. But we both enjoyed the experiences, anyway. I have often travelled with my difficult BPD friend, sometimes in difficult places. It was never easy, and I learned to find the experiences for myself, and enjoy them, in spite of abuse, etc. Now he says they were some of the most wonderful experiences of his life. Do it! You can stay at home when you are old and disabled.

Hi!
Everyone is different so your situation could be completely different but this is a cautionary tale.
I worked as a travel nurse before I met my uBPDh. I enjoy traveling and can spend months in a new location where I don't know anyone... .by myself and enjoy it. It's exhilarating.
My husband says that he loves traveling. It holds that elusive promise of finally finding happiness. I think. Every trip is anticipated with extremely high expectations and they can never ever be met. We have never taken a trip together that didn't involve melt downs and emotional dysregulation.
Our kids are little now so this will not be an issue for a while but my husband would like me to work travel assignments again when the kids are in college and he is retired. The mere thought of it gives me cold sweats.
Good luck!