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     Yesterday after learning school was cancelled due to weather I had to leave my JJ home with his BPD mother (something that hasn't been done for over 2 months). I came home from a very long exhausting day to find the house trashed(to which I didn't respond) knowing the housekeeper was coming in the morning, JJ over stimulated because his mother forgot his afternoon meds. and had to make dinner for all of us. After calming JJ down and giving him his meds. I proceeded to start dinner. My BPDD 35 came in and started questioning me about money, did I have any, did she have any in her account. When I asked why she said "well, I've been home all day alone listening to the noise, dealing with JJ and I haven't had any cigarettes. You have no idea how bad my day has been"! I simply asked if she could wait until I was done making dinner. She got that LOOK, that TONE in her voice, she started to cry then stormed off slamming the front door.
       I stood, I waited, I breathed, I knew a melt down was coming. All of a sudden she came in stood right in front of me and said "I'm sorry can we start over" then she asked me about my day and why it was so tuff for me. Shared with me how having JJ home all day was so much hared than she thought it would be. HOLY COW! I was so proud of her, amazed, I was blown away. Such a tiny little thing as starting over, I can't even explain how much of a BIG DEAL this is for her. It's a first ever. The amount of self regulation she showed was amazing. She didn't get her way to cigarettes by pestering me, and she didn't have to have a melt down to be heard.
      I have to share this with who ever reads this post. There is always hope, there can always be progress, baby steps. Long, long waited for progress. I can only attribute this to the new skills I've been using, some of the many tips and techniques I've found on this board.
      Sometimes it's the little things that can mean so much. I'm thankful for those little things.

Omigawd, Bluek9!  I have tears in my eyes reading your post!  What strength and patience you have shown in dealing with your daughter.  It shows, too, the strength that is within your daughter (inherited from you!) as she battles her way through this terrible disease.

Thank you for sharing this because it is, indeed, important for the rest to read/see these snippets-of-sunshine.   

From one Grandmother to another... .a hug !

Huat

So happy for you!

I have my own story to tell about the little things, and I'll post it a little later, but I'm still riding high from our family session yesterday AM.

What a great post, Bluek9!  Thank you for sharing... .and I too, am so happy for you!  You did awesome by not reacting to your daughter, even though you yourself were exhausted after a long day and coming home to a mess!

Posts like this gives hope to others!  We only have the power to change ourselves, but sometimes the changes we make in ourselves can be just the impetus needed to spur change in our pwBPD.  Like you, I saw positive change in my BPD DD21 only after I found this site, learned new skills and started to implement them.  We have now moved out of a prolonged very dark period, into a peaceful, respectful and even loving relationship. 

  MM

THANK YOU ALL! The boost to myself that I get from being here comes from all the feed back and positive input I receive. Thanks Huat for recognizing the strength in both of us. Yes she did get it from me, and yes it shows me how great I know she is underneath all she deals with. And thanks for the grandma hug. My JJ calls me GG because when I got him back at age 2 he wasn't verbal and couldn't say grandma, all that came out was GG. JYW, I'll be anxious to hear about what has you feeling so good, must have been something really good. And MM just how long has that peaceful period been? I'm curious if you don't mind me asking. Right now we are at 8 weeks and counting.

Hi Bluek9!

What an awesome moment and thank you for staying present and steady and solid.  |iiii Clapping for you! It truly is the moment by moment victories that are often the biggest. They'll keep coming.

Rejoice!
 
Wools

BlueK9 - that is great news that you are at 8 weeks and counting!  It takes patience and determination and sometimes a very firm hold on the tongue, but it is possible for things to improve, isn't it?

Unbelievably, this peaceful period with my BPD DD21 has been going on for 7-8 months and has survived some very stressful situations that easily could have escalated into full blown crises had I not been using the skills I learned here... .and felt the understanding from all the wonderful people here, especially two very special friends I met on this board.  These crises included two unplanned pregnancies, one ending in a traumatic miscarriage and the other in termination.

Truthfully, when I think about where we were a year ago, I am amazed we survived.  She was living in a garage, in the middle of nowhere with her gross pothead boyfriend and we were in very low contact.  When we did have contact, it usually did not go well at all, to say the least.  She is now living in an apartment very close to us with the same BF who is also turning his life around, in what can be only described as a snowball or domino effect of what I have learned and implemented since joining this forum. 

I still walk on eggshells with DD and I probably always will, that is just the way it is.  I have had to learn to let go of many dreams and embrace radical acceptance.  But I have my daughter back... .and she knows she can turn to me when she needs to and I will be there using the skills I learned here.   

bluek9,

This post made my day.  :) What wonderful news—kudos to you and your daughter!

Indeed, small moments are actually HUGE. It shows what is possible when we have the courage to risk change and growth. And how we are so connected, because as we change our behavior, the people around us often do, too.

heartandwhole

Wow, this is brilliant news bluek9, can we start this conversation again, YOU BET  *)

You are right the little things are BIG, and what I recognised with my DD there was so much 'hard work' going on in the background that I could not 'see', if that makes sense. 

I'm am so happy for you, you are doing great, keep on trucking bluek9  C<|||

It is inspiring to read good news breakthroughs.