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daughter dropped a bomb on us this past week while we were on vacation , PREGGO !
No boyfriend and sleeping around , we HAVE to kick her out as shes quit her job and wont work , rude and nasty to us and talks to me in the most disrespectful way.

Anyone have this issue similarly ?

Her dad , my husband is fed up so bad we have been used and abused and he is done , he says he will leave if she doesn't ... .I wont  lose my marriage over her ungratefulness .

She PLANNED this pregnancy by the way , used ovulation prediction tests and everything .

she had a pregnancy at  17 and lost the baby at  12 weeks now she WANTED this pregnancy and planned it .

UGH so done !

  Hi Bobsgirlz,

                 Oh my goodness what a bomb that was. So glad you're here to share, this is the right place. Our BPD kids can just rip our hearts out, stomp on them and walk away like nothing happened.
                I can't say my situation is the same but just as heart wrenching. My BPDD had a boyfriend, had my grandson JJ (I was there to see him enter this world) and now I'm raising him. Thankfully the boyfriend went by-by. My daughter lives with me as she is low functioning and I'm taking care of JJ. No I never thought this was going to be my life at 60 but I wouldn't trade my daughter or JJ for anything.
            I can totally understand your feelings on "having to kick her out". I can also understand the choice of your husband and your marriage over her ungratefulness. It's so hard to watch our kids make unwise choices when they cannot regulate themselves, or provide for themselves. Keep posting and let us know how you're coping and what happens.

Thank you bluek9 , i would let her stay in our home if she would just go to work . She thinks we will support her for 9 months while she lays around eating our food , not paying a dime and not cleaning or helping .
Her job is in the laundry at the nursing home i work at , and she feels the " chemicals " in laundry arenot good for her ! never mind the fact that its just laundry and millions of people work their butts off while pregnant, she is just "special " I guess.
UGH I'm so tired of the entitlement she feels , that my husband and I should delay our retirement (not that its coming soon , but we do have a plan ) and we need to finally do our thing , and now because of her choices we are affected immensely.

HI Bobsgirlz

I'm glad you came here to share with us.  Like Bluek9 mentions, there's a lot to contend with when our children are behaving in a destructive way that causes so much concern and grief, we are all hearing you and you are definitely not alone there.  

I can completely understand you and your husband wanting to look forward to your retirement without feeling like it will be derailed by your daughter, and this is perfectly ok.


I can so relate to this, before my husband and I were cut off by my DD27, I was wrung out with how much I gave to her and my GD1.  When I tried to claw back a little of my life, the abuse started and we've been cut off.  I felt exactly the same; used, abused and discarded.  It is extremely hurtful.

I think as bluek9 mentions, it doesn't have to be one or the other, it's about loving her but how you engage moving forward by changing how you relate to her, allowing her to take responsibility, setting some boundaries about what you will and wont accept, and taking care to make sure that you and your husband are looking after each other.

It's very small steps of change, as I am learning here.  Have you been able to avail yourself to the information on the right |--->

Take care of yourself and keep sharing with us.

Merlot

Hi Bobsgirlz   

Merlot states "I felt exactly the same;  used, abused and discarded.  It is extremely hurtful."   Absolutely and perfectly summed up my feelings.  So, don't stop sharing.  We are all on a similar journey.  It's amazing that most of us don't just check out and lose our minds dealing with this cruel disease.

Take care
Scout206