|
Title: So tired Post by: Serenity101 on April 21, 2018, 06:50:22 AM Hello, I made my way here via searching "aging parent with BPD" and after trying to be helpful to my aging mother after her emergency heart surgery. It is painfully obvious that I will never be able to have a normal mother daughter relationship with this woman who gave birth to me. Selfish, angry, childlike are the best and nicest words I can think of to describe my mother. I ran away from her at 16 and had very little to do with her over the years until I got sober and felt compelled to make amends for wrong doing on my part. I do my best to reach out to her frequently and have come to help take care of her cat while she is recovering. She is raging against me and my siblings because she doesn't want to be in physical rehab for two weeks. Just nasty and ugly all the way around. Her toxicity is too much but I still feel bad for not being enough for her. I just needed a safe place to vent and express my pain and frustration with her. Thank you for this site and forum.
Title: Re: So tired Post by: Woolspinner2000 on April 21, 2018, 07:29:43 AM Hi Serenity!
I am so very glad to welcome you to our online family. Glad you found us! This is a great big family that understands so much of what you've gone through and are going through. We've walked a walk with a pwBPD in our lives. It's so hard, and most people don't understand. We do. |iiii This is also a safe site for you to be able to vent. I still recall vividly the scene in the hospital after my uBPDm had surgery to remove a brain tumor. Who she really was began to emerge quite clearly to all of us family and the nursing staff began to notice some 'concerning' behavior in her. It was her uninhibited BPD behaviors coming through. We felt as if we had to apologize for what she was doing. Now I look back and am actually thankful for seeing that behavior once again, in color, because it is validating, very much so, of what others beyond our immediate family never saw. She ended up passing away within a few days, and my sister and I have often said it was a blessing to us because we knew she would be difficult, like your mom sounds. Hang in there and keep posting. I'd love to hear more of your story when you are ready to share. Here is the link to the first book that I picked up which has been a balm to my soul: Surviving a Borderline Parent (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68021.0[b) Wools Title: Re: So tired Post by: Harri on April 21, 2018, 07:55:00 PM Hi Serenity and welcome!
Congrats of getting sober. That is huge! |iiii You have found a great place to post about your feelings and talk with others who get it. Excerpt Her toxicity is too much but I still feel bad for not being enough for her. No one will ever be enough for her. It is not about you not being enough but her not being enough. It is so sad really for everyone involved.Well, i hope things improve for her health wise and I hope the time she spends in rehab flies by for you. Keep posting. We can listen and support you as we all understand. Title: Re: So tired Post by: Speck on April 21, 2018, 10:47:24 PM Welcome, Serenity101!
*welcome* I would like to join Woolspinner2000 and Harri in welcoming you to the discussion forums. We are so glad you're here, although we're sorry for the circumstance(s) that brought you to our shores. Yes, this is a safe harbor. So, feel free to drop your anchor and be supported. That's what we do here. Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far: It is painfully obvious that I will never be able to have a normal mother daughter relationship with this woman who gave birth to me. Selfish, angry, childlike are the best and nicest words I can think of to describe my mother. I understand, friend. I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you. Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning! -Speck |