|
Title: Trying to find the Strength Post by: Inner Light on June 11, 2018, 05:26:39 PM I've been married for 12 years; we have two beautiful children. I'm so tired of the lack of support, nothing to look forward to. Just in survival all the time. We've come close so many times to splitting up.
I get fed up and I'm emotionally exhausted. I start walking on eggshells and acting like a little girl instead of an adult. I've been alone every single morning getting the kids ready for a decade. I've been alone every Sunday with the kids for a decade. I think I'd be a better parent if I could cut loose all the stress and drama of his life. I'm trying just to detach, separate a bit just within the house. I don't feel I have the strength to do this alone. I think I'm reaching mental exhaustion. Why have I taken care of him all these years demanding nothing in return? Why can't I just stand up for myself? I was a different person when we met. I've eroded away. My inner light has dimmed. He's leaving to go back home to his country for a visit. I've thought about telling him after he buys the tickets. Who knows how long it will take for him to ground the trip? He's got a lawsuit going on. I am deeply sad just thinking of how awful a divorce will be. Thanks for listening. Title: Re: Trying to find the Strength Post by: zachira on June 11, 2018, 05:46:41 PM You have two beautiful children and are contemplating divorcing your husband which you know will be painful and difficult. Please know that you are not alone, and there are many people on this site who are/have been in situations similar to yours. Do take the time to read the materials on this site, and possibly find time to talk with a therapist. Contemplating divorce is just one small step, and no matter what you do whether you stay or leave, it is important to take the steps you need to with awareness and careful thought so you will be your best person under difficult circumstances, and your children will be able to thrive. Take care and let us know how you are doing, and how we can help.
Title: Re: Trying to find the Strength Post by: pearlsw on June 12, 2018, 05:15:36 AM Hi Katerina M,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so unhappy! Are you in your own home country? When you say are you alone do you mean you feel alone or he really isn't around to help much? Is he working a lot? Or there, but disengaged? You want to tell him while he is away that you want to divorce? Or just before he goes? What is your plan? What do you have in mind? Is there anything about the relationship that makes it worth saving? Or does it feel completely over to you? with compassion, pearl. Title: Re: Trying to find the Strength Post by: Lucky Jim on June 12, 2018, 01:03:31 PM Excerpt I was a different person when we met. I've eroded away. My inner light has dimmed. Hey Katerina, Welcome! Many of us here have been down this path before you, including me, so you are not alone, as zachira notes. I know exactly what you are talking about in terms of getting worn down by the constant stress in a BPD r/s. Towards the end of my marriage (with two kids) to my BPDxW, I had nothing left in the tank, so-to-speak. The place to start, I suggest, is with yourself, by treating yourself with kindness and compassion, and by focusing on your needs. What is the best path for YOU? What would YOU like to see happen? What are YOUR gut feelings? As pearlsw puts it, is there anything worth saving? LuckyJim |