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Smiling through tears today to admit that I’m crawling right now.

It happens. Tears happen in my mind even if my body refuses to release them in the measure my heart and soul feel them. I have been here before with all the catastrophic thinking and voices of condemnation in my head.

Usually I work quickly to refocus or busy myself (distraction) to alleviate the pain. Today I am trying with all my might just to be a human being and not a human doing. I am trying to just BE with my feelings instead of DOING something to make myself feel better. I’m learning that I am pretty darn good at doing. I pretty much suck at being. It feels like crawling. And yet it feels very necessary. Excuse another Pete Walker quote:


Sigh... .I am DETERMINED. I am going to extend compassion to myself today and just BE with my feelings that just ARE.

On an interresting side note, I recently read that physically crawling is an excellent excercise as we age. Perhaps there is a mind/body/soul correlation.

How about you? Anyone else exercising their crawling muscles?

 
L2T

In response to your question, I have done physical crawling and it felt good. I try to put my body in positions I wouldn't normally. I like to hang upside down and also to squat, and just do more of what we would be doing if we were living in a non industrialized society. I have found bottom up therapies very helpful in healing. Bottom up therapies work with the body first, and let the body become aware of feelings, which allows a person to make body felt feeling decisions instead of being all in the head cut off from the body.
I too have my days when I am feeling down and just want to cry about all the complex trauma. As you sit quietly with your feelings, you may release them and start to feel better. Yes, healing is all about learning to be in the moment, instead of constantly staying busy to avoid our uncomfortable feelings. I admire your courage in allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable feelings.
I hope you feel better. Keep us posted.

Thanks so much for your reply, zachira.  


Thank you for this! Now that you mention it, I found I was making better progress and feeling more (in a confident way) when I was regularly practicing a few inverted yoga poses: downward dog, plough and assisted plough depending on my flexibility on that day and wall assisted hand stands. I was also doing endurance planks and had built up to 15 minutes (note: I periodically altered the plank position from forearms to hands to alternating hands, etc.). I stopped practicing this on a regular basis a few weeks ago.  :thought: I think I need to revisit.

Thanks so much for your kind and supportive words, zachira , it really means a lot.  

L2T

zachira!  :thought:

I just had another thought, thanks to your reply. I am wondering if this is why bicycling is so therapeutic for me:

Perhaps the act of my body pedaling me forward provides this relief to my head! And hence, it allows my head some healing time and the ability to observe the healing aspects of movement and especially moving forward. Fascinating thoughts to consider.

  Thanks again,

L2T

Anything you can do to use all the muscles in your body. Also helps to spend 30-60 minutes a day in mediation or other mindfulness activities. Tai Chi is great because it works all the muscles and is a mindfulness type of exercise.

Thanks for your post. Reaching out to you to tell you that you are not alone.
I have everything to be happy for, and yet I find myself confronted with my past so often lately that it's debilitating.

Sending you much courage and hoping for a better day for you tomorrow  

Thank you so much Fie.  
Today is a bit better. I didn’t have to work to force myself to take the pup for his morning walk today.  :) And even though it’s afternoon already, I’m trying very hard to show myself some compassion for not being as productive as I expect myself to be.  I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks lately.

If you’ve read any of my recent threads you know I have become a huge Pete Walker fan. Right now I’m working through this article:

www.pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

I won’t say it’s easy, but it does feel like it’s becoming easier to deal with the flashbacks.

Take good care of yourself today.   You are worthy.

L2T

Hi L2T.  I am glad to hear you are doing a bit better and good for you for pushing your way through today.

I too am a big fan of Pete's! haha  He feels like a friend.   

I am sure you read that he looks at flashbacks in a more positive way than most people.  I share the same feelings:  they are a sign that we are ready to process and work on some long hidden wounds.  Flashbacks can direct us to what we need to focus on in our healing.  As hard and as uncomfortable as they are, they will get better.  Accept them as a natural and even good part of the healing process.  Things that are good for us often don't feel good right?

Yeah, I know you know all that but I said it anyway.

You are doing very well. 

Yup! Like 15 minute planks... .bwaaaahaaahaaaa.  :)  

I know they’re not for everyone, but... .
At the end of it with your whole body shaking and dripping with sweat, realizing you CAN do it with enough focus, patience and practice it’s such a powerful feeling.

Sigh... .I let my plank practice go a few weeks ago after I completed a 50 mile bike ride I had been training for. I bet doing one for 5 minutes will max me out now. Proof that it’s all about ongoing practice to improve and maintain physical, mental and emotional health.  :thought: Ok... .plank practice goes back on the schedule tomorrow. Maybe I will add in a few minutes of low crawling for fun—I was pretty good at that 35 years ago in Army Basic Training.

But seriously, Harri, thank you so much for your support and encouragement. It makes a difference.  

L2T

You are most welcome.  It is good to know you have a place you can go where others will support you even if that means sharing some hard stuff.

Planking?  Never in my life.  I think I would break something (not kidding).  In my head I am a long distance runner.  I could do low crawling though.  I know I can do that! haha It won't look pretty or cool tho!

BTW, I live in a condo complex.  5 buildings with about 240 units.  Every summer they have an outdoor concert.  It is right outside my deck tonight.  I am sitting here thinking "gee they are playing old peoples music"... .and then I realized that I knew the words to every dang song!  Hmmmmm.  Go figure.   :)

L2T, rocking or crawling, it is all good.