Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Getoverit on July 18, 2018, 12:20:22 AM

Title: You can do it Tips on how to feel happy with yourself in midst of BPD
Post by: Getoverit on July 18, 2018, 12:20:22 AM
I'm writing this post in hopes of motivating others. If you are reading this you have become familiar with BPD and are probably feeling at wits end and still feeling the effects of having been through so much to say the least. It is important to validate your own feelings, acknowledge that you have been experienced a difficult relationship, and find ways to make yourself happy on your own. You must learn to enjoy being alone, and find ways to appreciate who you are. Imagine watching yourself engaging with this person when things are at their worst. Are you proud of yourself?

Think about how quickly you answer that question and quietly reflect. Maybe tears will come to your eyes--out of sadness and/or anger, fear... .Let them go and slowly begin the process of feeling happy with yourself again. You don't have to DO or BE anything. Again, you don't have to DO or BE anything. Love yourself and what will be will be.

Title: Re: You can do it
Post by: Mustbeabetterway on July 18, 2018, 08:06:16 AM
What a beautiful post, Getoverit.  We all need to love ourselves more.❤️ And treat ourselves kindly.

To answer your question, there have been times when I have not been so proud of my actions, but I’m working on forgiving my imperfections. 

Maybe you and others can share some insights into how we can
treat ourselves kindly and become more centered, and as you say, validate ourselves. 

I love yoga.  When I am doing yoga, it’s like wrapping my arms around myself!

Thanks for sharing this.  I’m looking forward to hearing what you and others have to add.



Title: Re: You can do it
Post by: WindofChange on July 19, 2018, 11:24:21 AM
Great post of encouragement, Getoverit! And so very true.
I think we are often hard on ourselves, beating ourselves up, questioning our actions, thinking if we'd tried harder, we could have fixed things... .or berating ourselves after the r/s ends because we took so long to see the truth and leave. (I know I'm still guilty of this, but getting better.)

Do things that make you happy. If you don't know what that is right now, start exploring. Read a good book, watch a funny movie, spend time with friends. Exercise, get out in nature, cook something wonderful.

Mustbeabetterway, I love what you say about how yoga makes you feel. That's so great that it makes you feel so good. We all need something like that. :)

What works for me:
Exercise has helped me tremendously. I run a few times a week, and although I'm exhausted afterward, I feel good about myself that I got out and did it. I try to pat myself on the back for small gains--if I cry, it was for a much shorter time, and I wasn't beating myself up, just feeling a bit sad. If I start feeling down about the r/s ending, I remind myself how unhealthy it was for me, and how, as time progresses, I'm making myself whole and healthy again, and at some point will find love again when I'm ready, when the time is right. That's what helps me.

Would anyone else want to share what helps them?

Title: Re: You can do it
Post by: BeagleGirl on July 19, 2018, 12:57:37 PM
Therapy!  I highly recommend it. :)

I’ve also found walking/running very helpful. And gardening!  Being surrounded by nature and creating something beautiful are very healing.

I have also been blessed with two “true friends”. Time with people who accept you as you are but are not afraid to point to stuff in your life and say “You should look at this and let me know if you want help dealing with it” is invaluable.

Probably the most valuable advice for me has been to “sit with my pain”. Having permission, even a sort of mandate, to feel the pain and anger and loneliness has helped me accept myself where I am and work through rather than “get over” those feelings. Knowledge that I faced those things and made it through at least once takes a lot of the fear out of those harder times.

Great topic. Thanks for sharing and getting the thoughts/conversation going.

Title: Re: You can do it Tips on how to feel happy with yourself in midst of BPD
Post by: spacecadet on July 21, 2018, 08:13:41 AM
Great post, thanks for sharing and for the encouragement. Think we all need it.

True friends who love you whether you're standing strong or in your basket case moments, they're golden.

Sitting with pain is good (whatever it stems from), the pain always lifts and joy comes after. When it's blocked so is joy/peace.

Title: Re: You can do it Tips on how to feel happy with yourself in midst of BPD
Post by: Harley Quinn on July 21, 2018, 10:26:05 AM
Great thread Getoverit and excellent responses from everyone.

Mindfulness, on top of a lot of what's already been shared, has been so helpful for me to remember that I don't have to DO or BE anything.  I can just be what I am right now and that's OK.  Do you practice?

Love and light x