BPDFamily.com

I found out my BPD ex passed away last month... .and I almost feel guilty I couldn’t save her... .not even sure why I’m even taking this so
hard as we haven’t spoken in years.

Is it because you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye? I think that’s the thing that will hit me if/when the time comes.

Hmm maybe. But we did reunite a few years later and she apologized. I really felt like I got closure. I think maybe it was just more of a shock... .she was only 32, and such a mess with BPD and drug addiction. The thing is though, it really seemed these past few years that she had gotten her life together. She married, had 2 stepkids, held a job and, most importantly, stayed clean and out of jail... .truly I was happy for her.

Not sure what happened. Her mom described it as a “short illness”... and her sister changed the subject completely soo I suspect it was an  overdose. Dunno, the whole thing is  just so sad.

Hi Beachbabe,

I’m so sorry.  Of course, you are taking it hard.  You lost someone who was once very important in your life.  32 is very young.  I think it’s important to acknowledge it and to accept  your sad feelings at this loss.

Along with sadness, I suspect this brings up other feelings from the past as well.

Be kind to yourself.

Mustbe

Hi there Beachbabe,


I'm so sorry you had to find this out without more so without closure. This is something i do fear deep down inside as well. It's okay to feel the way you do, don't be too hard on yourself. There must be alot going in your head now about the what ifs... .but Beachbabe, be kind to yourself even though its difficult. You might not have the energy or capacity to do so now, but i hope you'll do so in time with baby steps.

Yours,
Spero

Very, very hard. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Hugs!

Must’ve: thank you and yeah I really do feel bad. I wish I could
have saved her. It brings up tons of past feelings.

Spero: : thank you also for your kind words. May I ask why you fear it as well? Does yours struggle with SI or addiction?

Meandthee: *hugs* to you as well. How are you ?

Spero -- I fear that as well. Mine has isolated himself and has significant health issues. Both aren't good. The way the dynamic is with his family, I wonder if they would even call me.

And yes, I'm doing well. Truly. Every day is like an unfolding story. I'm seeing much, much more positive than negative these days.

Hi Beach_Beach,

I’m sorry to hear the news. I’m also for yh circumstances that led you back to the site. It’s nice to see a familiar old face and I’m glad that you turned to us in difficult times. Hang in there.

All I can say, for those still struggling is know these feelings shall pass. Hold your head high, focus on you and resist the urge to be mean or  retaliate . Trust me when I say you will regret it, knowing something harsh was the last thing you said.

I don't think these feelings do pass.

I’m sorry for the barrage of emotions you must be going through right now. Love and light.

Hello there,

@Beach_babe, my uBPDex had addiction issues, and a certain degree of co-morbidity with NPD. I am almost at the one year mark for going NC. It has been a long journey but it's fine.

@MeandThee29, my time with my uBPFex family, showed me that the disorder ran deep in the family, that devaluation and judgement passed by her own mother about me physical illness and there were certain markers in her extended family that were a cause for concern, especially the DV in the extended family. There was a certain psychopathology about that i was too naive to believe that those markers didn't exist in my uBPDex. I did love her very much, but at one point, i just had to walk away and i gave her the doorslam. I still miss her, i do. But i know very well what it leads to.