BPDFamily.com

Hello all,
My story is a bit long, but basically have MIL, SIL 1, and SIL 2 all who have BPD tendencies. They are all back in our lives (after times of NC with each of them). SIL 2 made the most of being back in our lives and last weekend officially moved in less than 2 blocks away from us. I talked about this move and my feelings in my previous post.

Where I am at right now is that I don't know how to manage my feelings around their lies. Here are some examples of lies/secrets from this week:
SIL 1: in wanting to try to get a date on the calendar for us to meet up with her and her bf, she is saying they are "the busiest they've ever been" and that she is working two jobs and is in school full time.---She posts on social media all the time pics of her going out, having fun, eating dinner, etc. She is claiming one of her jobs is bartending so that doesn't make sense. She doesn't work weekends either. She told us last time we met up with her that the reason she could meet us was because she took off from work for the whole week because she got a facial.
SIL 2: reached out to us on the day she moved saying she moved and that she wanted us to swing by to hang out. While this isn't a blatant lie like her sister has been telling, this is more secret keeping. She did not tell us when she was moving, even though we would be right there. She had her mom and sister come down (from about 2 hours away) to help her. Neither the mom nor the sister told us they were going to be there. It was weird and unsettling how out of the loop we were kept, until we got the text begging for us to hang out. We already had plans so we declined, but it was confusing emotionally.
MIL: calls my H at work and needs to fill him in on a family friend's health. Family friend being an ex of hers that she and her current H are friendly with---back back story, my MIL is on this guy's will and he is wealthy and has no kids, which is my opinion as to why she keeps close with him. So this one is an example of the drama/secrets: she won't tell us what is wrong with him. She tries to get my H to agree to meet with her or to answer her calls or whatever by escalating the situation and making him feel guilty I guess. In her phone call, she did ask him for us to get dinner with her when they are in town to visit this family friend at the hospital (a hospital close to us). We won't be able to go to dinner because we both work late that particular night.

So, I am struggling emotionally to not let these things bother me. The secret keeping (sneak attacks I like to call them) bother me when we don't have something else going on because my H feels like he should go along with whatever they're suggesting. The lies bug the you know what out of me. How do others handle the lies? I have tried telling myself that that is her perception, but when they get to be big, are we doing her any favors by ignoring them? Does she think we are stupid and think she's really working two jobs and in school when she couldn't keep one job? So far I just try to ignore it, but it is really eating at me the more "involved" we become in her life.

Hi Furbaby Mom,

Is it possible that the way our dysfunctional family members handle stress and receive input is as dysfunctional or broken as they are inside of themselves? Do you think that they process the same way you and I do? I wonder if they don't project exactly what they think they need to in order to self soothe and feel safer. Thus the lies and unkindness towards others. They may be covering themselves in a form of their own 'security' in order to survive.

What do you think? I know it doesn't answer how to handle it, but sometimes it can help me to understand why this is going on, and then I can get to the 'what can I do' point.

Wools