BPDFamily.com

these are complex questions Hg, some of which have some general answers, and some of which are very specific to your relationship, and the conflict between the two of you.

the tools are relationship skills, and coping skills, that "work" with everyone (i learned them years after my relationship and use them all the time today).

our ex partners, whether higher or lower on the spectrum, tend to have limited relationship and coping skills. often, we do too. with the tools, we can get in a healthier place ourselves, we can learn to respond differently, to cope better/more easily, to not escalate or contribute to the conflict in a dysfunctional way, and sometimes, for some people thats "good enough", sometimes our partners follow our lead and the relationship gets a great deal better, and sometimes it even forces the breakup. that very much depends on the relationship and both parties. these relationships are often not "fair" in the terms most of us would use, and what that means for each of us is unique.

validation is just an important life skill, one that bonds us with others and helps us connect emotionally, and build trust. it doesnt change the person you validate. i think for a lot of people just learning this skill, it seems like a panacea, that if we just "validate", then that bad behavior will go away. thats not how it works. validation is not agreement, and you dont validate abuse. you dont just stand there.

are you having second thought about the breakup? are you thinking of going back?