BPDFamily.com

There’s a lot of pain on these boards. Rightfully so. I showed up here in a great amount of pain. That pain was over the mother of my child. I sat beside her and held her while she was in labor. I saw her birth our son. He’s laying next to me sound asleep. He wouldn’t be here if she and I didn’t make it so. I’m not idealizing her or placing her on a pedestal. This isn’t about that. That woman changed my life in a good way.

Did your ex leave you with anything positive?

Yes, she allowed me to explore how deep my love for someone can be. I also discovered other things about myself that I didn't even knew were in me that she allowed me to express.

Unfortunately neither of us was ready for it, I pushed her away somewhat, she ran all the way out, it didn't work out.

But now I know that I definitely have those qualities and can work to make them available for someone in the future.

It's the best I've felt about myself after breakup in a long while. Normally breakups are about "what did I do wrong?", this time it was more of a "she thought I was too good to be true".

So yeah, next time I'll be ready, be it with her or someone else, I ain't given up on this relationships thing yet

Two beautiful and very cool kids,  as people in my life point out when I go negative over things that still drive me nuts. 

Son,  8 (almost 9) who thanks me sincerely when I do little things which are normal like bring him food.  He really means it. 

Daughter (6) who randomly tells me,  "I love you Da-ta" and kisses me on the head or cheek as she skates around the house on her roller blades.

Hey, Snap. If anything can be taken away from these relationships, it’s how deep they went. I think about that a lot. I’m starting to embrace how deep my relationship with S4’s mom went with me. The outcome has been me processing my childhood. Man, it’s so much to ponder. So many things could’ve made it possible for my son and I to not be in the here and now. We are, and I’m happy about that.

We want companionship. It’s good that you’re looking ahead and that you’re seeing what you’ve learned from your experience. You helped me out when I was taking a serious step in the wrong direction. I don’t know where I was going with that other than, thanks.

Turkish, I always love reading about your kiddos. You’ve done great with them. Personally speaking, it’s very scary being a single father. No family is close by, friends have their own families and schedules and we all work. I get overwhelmed when there isn’t a present reason to feel that way.

How do you feel you get overwhelmed?

I don't know if this helps,  but I was a latchkey kid. I had to fend for myself.  I fend for myself as a single father.  No one's coming to rescue me. 

I carry the same principles, it’s just a matter of “what if’s”, I guess. You know, what if I drop dead? Can he get by long enough before everything is figured out and he’s rescued? I know that’s overboard thinking. I worry about leaving him hanging in some way.

I worry about the same things, and I pray with them every night I have them that God grant them mercy, grace and wisdom.