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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: JNChell on February 11, 2019, 08:38:43 PM



Title: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 11, 2019, 08:38:43 PM
I was part of a big mistake at work. Three people got walked out. I got 3 days off. This is a first for me. I’m lucky to still have a job. After this, I don’t know if the lead position is still on the table. I feel like I’m responsible for one of the guys getting fired. It was a ___ty day.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Sandb2015 on February 11, 2019, 08:48:25 PM
Sorry you had a bad day, I bet you had worse, and what happened... .

It got better, can’t go back, take the 3 days and enjoy, think lemonade.

Make amends later.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Turkish on February 11, 2019, 08:50:28 PM
I know it depends on what it was or is,  but an old boss told me,  "only people who aren't working don't make mistakes."

If you still have a job,  then carry on,  even if Lead isn't in your grasp for now.  


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Insom on February 11, 2019, 08:51:29 PM
Ugh.  Sorry this happened.  How are you feeling?


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 11, 2019, 09:06:38 PM
Turkish, I’ve heard this in the past. It’s true. I’ve just never been in this position.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 11, 2019, 09:11:42 PM
I’m good, Insom. Thanks for asking. It’s weird to be in this spot. I made the mistake, I’ll do what’s necessary.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Sandb2015 on February 11, 2019, 09:40:53 PM
Fix what you can, forget what you can’t, learn from everything new and old.

I never thought I’d be sleeping on my aunts futon a million miles away from anything familiar because I found the love of my life, wait... .I actually am.

Work related stuff, you have time to formulate some damage control and s h I t happens under the most controlled environment, analysis what happened as to insure it doesn’t again, give yourself a damned break and get back to it better when you return.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 11, 2019, 09:54:32 PM
Thanks, Sandb2015. Enjoy your aunt’s futon. I know that sounds funny, but it’s love. Embrace it. I spent 7 months on my best friends couch. A toddler son in the mix. It actually turned out to be a pretty healthy thing.

I’ll return to work with proper motivation. This mistake won’t beat me. It just sucks.

Thanks for the support. That futon might turn out to be a very good thing.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Sandb2015 on February 11, 2019, 10:34:06 PM
That futon is feels like a refrigerator box to a homeless person to me and I by no means compare the severity, I just feel like I’m at the end of the road when I was flying so high and did take things for granted in a good way as I should have.

That futon, hope for some rs with my love in a healthy way and right now, a better job.

I had a decent apt, making decent money before moving in with my love and her son after discussing it for 6 months .

Anyway, that futon will be the birthplace off dreams for tomorrow, lemonade.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Turkish on February 11, 2019, 10:42:43 PM
I had sciatica for almost 2 years from a futon. Hate those things,  but you have to do what you have to do when you have to. 


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 12, 2019, 06:22:14 AM
I know it depends on what it was or is,  but an old boss told me,  "only people who aren't working don't make mistakes."

If you still have a job,  then carry on,  even if Lead isn't in your grasp for now.  

It was a technical mistake. To keep it brief, I set a job up wrong. After setting it up, a sample part must be turned into Quality Control for approval before starting production. My first piece was initially rejected. I persuaded QC that I had a good product. I genuinely believed that I did. QC gave me an approval without further investigation. I put an operator on the job and started producing. The entire order was scrap. I was in a rush to get the job up and going for various reasons. I made a costly mistake. I’m feeling bad because I feel responsible for the operator getting fired. He definitely should’ve caught the bad parts that were being produced just like I should’ve caught my bad setup parts.

Lemonade... .I’m trying to convince S4’s mom into letting me have him for my unexpected “vacation”. Tonight is my weekly night anyway. Maybe she’ll be ok with it.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: gotbushels on February 16, 2019, 10:14:10 AM
JNChell   :hi:

It was a technical mistake.
Me too, I heard the same thing Turkish told you.

Turkish, I’ve heard this in the past. It’s true. I’ve just never been in this position.
Embellish on having never been in this position?

To keep it brief, I set a job up wrong. [... .]
I’m feeling bad because I feel responsible for [... .]
It seems like a pretty big gaff. Especially because the order seems substantial and someone lost a job.

It might seem trite but sometimes when I've made a mistake, I try to remember we're only human--all humans sometimes make mistakes. Even if it seems we're in a position of authority--that doesn't stop people from making mistakes. Maybe it's just that we feel more responsible because there's a bigger price tag on the work? We do feel rightly responsible for good reason because more people tend to follow you when you become more senior. If more people are following more processes you're doing, then if you make a mistake, of course you'll feel there's more consequence out of it. Blessed are the leaders (even if you're not a "Lead" on a particular team). 

Following on our previous discussion about prayer; for the worst situations--like big gaffs at work--I try to go to bible. Just post and I can share a little more on this one. 


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: JNChell on February 16, 2019, 01:15:12 PM
Hey, gotbushels. I’ve never been in this position career wise. Thanks for putting me in perspective with my comment.

Following on our previous discussion about prayer; for the worst situations--like big gaffs at work--I try to go to bible. Just post and I can share a little more on this one.

I will greatly appreciate it.


Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: gotbushels on February 16, 2019, 09:40:16 PM
I’ve never been in this position career wise.
No worries.    It wasn't my intention to put you in a particular perspective. My intention for the question was I was simply curious as to what you meant when you generalised never being in a particular position. It could mean that you've never made a mistake, or that you've never been put at significant risk of having an untimely closure on your work contract, or having had responsibility for someone losing out on a team issue, or something else. What helps me that I want to share with you is that when we get specific and dig in to detail on work things, often it ends up being a lot less painful than our anxiety may lead us to believe. That seems to be very true when I make a mistake at work. That's where I was going with that.    By the way--it seems you weren't that specific with your answer.


Following on our previous discussion about prayer; for the worst situations--like big gaffs at work--I try to go to bible. Just post and I can share a little more on this one.
So to try to keep it brief and narrow the scope to your issue, I think a key thing is what you shared here. I'll go logic→feelings→scripture.
(1) I’m feeling bad because I feel responsible for the operator getting fired. (2) He definitely should’ve caught the bad parts that were being produced just like (3) I should’ve caught my bad setup parts.
Items numbered.

(1) It seems to me in the hierarchy of your company, that this operator isn't under your headcount. Therefore, you're not completely responsible for releasing him based on competence. Feeling like you contributed to his release is important to distinguish versus "I'm responsible for his firing". I think if you take the second way, it's easy to feel that, "perhaps I deserved to get fired, not him", because you did have a role in the mistake.

(2) If he definitely catches the bad parts, that's 100%. Even in highly accurate organisations, there's often still 1 - 99.99966% = 0.00033% that don't meet the desired standard. So should he really catch 100.00% of the bad parts?

(3) Same goes for you. If you don't expect 100.00% accuracy on the totality of what is done by a colleague you seem to respect, then why hold yourself to that same impossible standard?

Logically, that seems to be the case here. So even after drilling down the situation, I sometimes still honestly feel crumby.

At this point, I know my feelings pattern quite well, so I will often go straight to scripture. To show you how it works, and hopefully it'll help you figure out implementation in your own relationship with God, I'll detail how it played out before. *So I'll identify the specific issue I still feel crumby about, then search for guidance. For example, my personality profile shows that I like to please people at work (this came out in typing as "pleasure people at work" rofl)--very true. So when people think poorly of me, it can be a source of exceptional anxiety, versus other personality types. My bosses (or customers) are usually my most important stakeholders--therefore, I feel anxiety when I think they think less of my performance. Probably exceptionally compared to others. Even with evidence to the contrary. So the narrow, narrow, issue is that I feel anxious about judgements levied on my performance and the situation I was in. At this point, it makes a lot of sense for me to go to scripture, my plate feels full.* The parts in between the *'s is the detail I skip through.

The scripture portion is here. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1Pet5:7(partial)NIV.

Here, my example was uncertainty about my boss's judgment of me (or specifically of my performance, as the self aspect). So easy scripture to go to for my issue is,

"Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. (partial quote)" 1Heb13:17(partial)NIV.

If you combine this with empathy by putting yourself in your manager's position, you can see they have to answer for a crumby judgement they may have laid upon you. So knowing they are responsible to God for both (i) their decisions and for (ii) leading you;--to bring it back to first person--then that helps me to see that I truly may have executed to a T, but if my boss judges me poorly, that'll be his fault in execution (of his duty of judgement of competence) which is out of my control. In a business-speak way, what this is, is "let the other person do their job (they're being paid for)".

In the context of your other thread (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=333148.0), people forcing you to do things, even pushing Roman Catholicism upon you, they have to answer to God to what they did. If they deprive you of the goods of the faith because of how they intermediated the relationship between you and God, that's their responsibility. Leave it to God. I think that's magnitudes easier than trying to change a parent or wringing hands on wanting them to be different. So hopefully you can pray to get help from God, rather than waiting to be in a desperate need. I don't think God's that stingy with His time. Even if He was, I'm sure there's tons of less capable people praying all the time, so why not give yourself a voice?   


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Title: Re: I got suspended from work for 3 days
Post by: Turkish on February 16, 2019, 10:17:52 PM
Excerpt
"Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. (partial quote)" Heb13:17(partial)NIV.

Oh boy,  this convicts me as a parent.  I don't want to end up like Eli.