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Title: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 14, 2019, 02:13:06 PM I've recently posted my situation, and what I'm wondering is, my partner recognizes she lacks and independence and comfort being in her own company, it seems like the engulfment has triggered and splitting is currently visable which I understand is normal, as in the BPD partner kinda of lives through you, my question is will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company through therapy while maintaining a relationship with me, or do I have to accept this isn't possible?
Title: Re: Curious question Post by: once removed on March 14, 2019, 02:59:02 PM what sort of therapy is she in?
Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 14, 2019, 03:24:45 PM Currently having group therapy for personality disorder but she is starting one to one next week ... I'm not sure what that will involve... She has been diagnosed BPD
Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: once removed on March 14, 2019, 03:42:16 PM thats promising.
whats going on? in what ways is she living through you? Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 14, 2019, 04:12:26 PM Well she feels that she I just living in my life, depending on me for security feeling alone with me and reaching out to other men for attention, getting angry when she tells me things, or asks my opinion, she I currently living back on her own, we've had very little contact, I have been blocked on most media's, yet only 2 hours ago she called me because she wasn't coping, then got angry at calling me, then a hour called me again and got angry I went out for a meal with my family,
Hope this makes sense Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Sandb2015 on March 14, 2019, 05:38:01 PM Jimievs,
The mood swings are difficult. My advice is to be supportive with therapy, be as supportive as possible and this is a great start and who knows where it ends up, I hope a success story! Or if you think she crossed the boundary and there is no turning back, make peace with yourself either way. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Reach a place that is good with you or take your time to come to conclusions if you aren't clear...who says you must come to a conclusion right now. Your head is spinning, I get it. Wait for it to stop and learn how to deal with those "spinning" emotions...give yourself some time. Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 15, 2019, 03:47:38 AM I took the stance in my mind that I'll will be in the background and not reach out unless she chooses to, but as like yesterday when she does reach out and I just listened, she lashes out at me for her actions, I understand some of this dynamics with it all, but if don't interact straight away or take some control of my own time, I'm accused of forgetting her and moving on already ... Yeh the mood swings in full action
The therapy has caused her alot if confusion, and I e listened and been supportive, my only real boundary is faithfulness, if that's broken then I will remove myself complicated as much as it pains me... Thing is how will I know either way Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 15, 2019, 03:50:38 AM I am feeling mentally drained ATM , definitely feel the last day has started to catch up with me , the push pull is tiring for sure
Title: Re: Will she be able to find the independence and comfort of her own company? Post by: Jimievs on March 15, 2019, 03:08:15 PM Dropped some of her things off today... She's a mess and obviously very drunk, Im really ABIT worried about what to do, she told me a friend was around hers last night and asked him to strangle her until the point where she was about to pass out... Really don't know what to do about it, she says come Monday she will get her act together, she's adamant that she needs to be on her own to learn to be by herself as she is treating me as a paternal figure ...
She was angry and raging at points but I was just calm and diffusing, I could see how difficult it was for her, and hard for me because I become her comfort again, even though that is what she is fighting against, being reliant on me I don't want to lose her but don't see how me being around will help, yet not being around is like pressing the destruct button |