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Title: Part 2: Brother’s visit – Anxiety – Why? Post by: Libra on March 21, 2019, 10:09:06 AM Part 1 of this thread is here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=333846.new#new
Hi All, Just a short update: I recently phoned my mother for a chat. She told me my brother won't be staying with us after all: we're too busy, we'll be renovating (yes, in May, not in June!), and they need to share her car. In short, it was too much of a hassle, and so they'll be staying at my mother's tiny appartment instead. Good thing I suggested doing something together to my brother, or we would not seeing them at all! She is whisking them away on a mini hotel trip for 3 of the 6 days they'll be in the country. My mother will be joining us for the afternoon trip together btw, she is so looking forward to having all her children and grandchildren together On the bright side: no more need for any anxiety, I guess. Ha! Excerpt Wow...just wow. Panda, Really? Why? I keep making excuses in my head why she's doing this. Maybe it's just because I've set boundaries and have thus pushed her away too much? Maybe she is just as insecure as I am, and feels she would be 'disturbing' me? It still hurts though. S8 fell on Monday. He has a huge bruised black eye. I sent her a picture, saying he fell and was okay except for the swelling. She called our landline and talked to S8 (who happened to answer the phone). She chatted with him, said her goodbyes and hung up. In all my adult life, I think she has phoned me less than a dozen times. Heck, not even half that! If she needs something, she'll send an e-mail. She expects me to phone regularly and ask how she's doing, but she will never initiate such a call herself. Over the years, when she would start complaining that I didn't call regularly enough, I always reminded her that she was free to take some initiative as well. It never changed anything though. Thank you all for your replies and support. It means a lot. Libra. Title: Part 2: Brother’s visit – Anxiety – Why? Post by: Panda39 on March 21, 2019, 11:21:46 AM I said Wow, because that would feel like a rejection to me particularly if it happened more than once and there was no reason attached to it. (Now granted you know that I have my own "mommy issues" but yeah that would hurt my feelings)
Not talking to you because she's short on time or something would be one thing but "there's no need" to talk to her daughter? I find it interesting how much your mother seems to be in competition with you for your brother's attention. Also interesting that your brother is so willing to go along with the stay at your mother's when there isn't really room...he's going along to get along seems to me. It sucks because the time spent with you is shrinking, but they are going to do what they are going to do Panda39 |