BPDFamily.com

Hi

I have placed this here because it is a recent break up (4 days) feel free to move it if necessary.


I will try to keep it short and to the point...

My GF with BPD has broken up with me after 7 years. She hasn't been happy for a while. We have both been struggling with mental health for the last year, (her BPD and severe anxiety, Me stress and depression) this caused problems both relationship an individual *1

We have had many small breakups during arguments, but this was triggred by how she was feeling and she got very upset and said she needed a break up... I disagree with her reasons and how she saw the problems in our relationship but I said that I respected what she wanted.

We have spoke since and have seen each other and socialised amd she is struggling with the transition (stress, extreme depression) but she seems resolved to stick with this..

Now, for the 7 years I have been almost a carer to her, I have helped with her treatment, daily support, shopping when she can't leave the house etc., I am aware that I tend to put her first over myself, I have a core need to fix things for people I care about...

my question, is in the coming months, if the break up sticks, how do I resist the temptation to drop everything and wade in to fix everything if a crisis appears.

I do not want this relationship to end, but I am conscious that I may need to detach and learn to be alone,

She has very little support beyond me (her family arnt great with support) and this break up leaves her isolated, i would never abandon her but i am also aware if she doesmt wamt this relationship i cant nessearily fix everything that happnes.

(Obviously if she has a major mental health episode I would never ignore it, nor would I for anyome)

I am unsure how to do this and deal with a potential saviour complex I may have.



Thank you all I am sorry if it's abit jumbled by thoughts are hard to express right now

1* I may start a separate topic on this as I feel like I need to understand the struggles I have been going through for the last year (involves stress, depression and self blame and being blamed for "ruining" things)

Hi.
Well, I think you did fine writing down the main points and targeting questions and what you want to work on here!    We can help.  You wondered if this is the correct board for your post and I think it is.  this is the Bettering board so any recent break-up we usually have people post here plus learning the tools that we work with on the board will serve you well regardless of your relationship status.  The tools and the feedback on this board will help you with your question about your rescuing tendencies as well.   

Can you list what benefits you get from being in the relationship including benefits of being the savior?  Can you see any associated negatives with these?

Let's see if we can work these through.

*welcome*

We're sorry for the painful situation you're in, but are glad you've found us.  Harri has a couple of good questions for you.  Let us know your thoughts.

RC