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Title: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: DaddyBear77 on April 27, 2019, 12:55:24 AM Hey everyone :hi:
Wow - it's been so long since I've posted here! I'm sorry for the prolonged absence, but things just moved so quickly, it felt like I just took off in a rocket ship on some crazy trajectory and totally forgot to look back! Where to start... If you recall, I had been under temporary support and custody orders that weren't great but they were livable. For some reason, the court process seemed to have stalled and it appears to have been because the temporary orders took so long to be handed out. Shortly after the orders were handed down, things took off. During the first week of December we had our first, serious, court ordered mediation session. My lawyer knew a mediator with a very good reputation and miraculously, my ex wife agreed to use her. I knew that if this mediation fell through (which I fully expected it would), the next step was trial. Then, it happened. Maybe it was the awareness that a trial would cost close to a hundred thousand potentially. Maybe it was the mediator who convinced her that the positions she was taking were not even close to realistic. But after three hours (ok, 9 months and three hours), we had an agreement. Two weeks of minor changes, a few late nights of editing side by side with my attorney, and as of the last week of December 2018, my divorce was official. In the end, I see my daughter on 7 days out of 14, although during the school year she only stays with me overnight for 4 of them. The support payments are reasonable, and alimony is limited to 10 years max. It drops from about 30% of my income to less than 20% over the 10 year period. I still pay child support because of the total overnight imbalance, but it's minimal. But - and this is absolutely key - I still have a decent, and improving, working relationship with my ex wife. This point is something that was repeated over and over again during the fast moving decisions of mediation. Could I have gotten more overnight time? Maybe. Would less alimony have been a possibility? Maybe but after the first of the year, the tax law changed. But to get these things, a trial was looking to be the only option. The animosity would have gone to a whole new level. The costs would have crippled us both. So, it seemed that in the end, small compromise had huge benefits. So that's pretty much the nuts and bolts of it. As for emotions, man, it's been a roller coaster like I never thought possible. But that's for another post ;) On that note, I'll leave things there and just say I'm glad to be back and look forward to hearing from y'all and to catching up on everyone else's stories! ~DB77 Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: formflier on April 27, 2019, 06:42:17 AM So, it seemed that in the end, small compromise had huge benefits. Can you identify a "tipping point"? Do I sum this up correctly by saying "you didn't get the agreement you wanted..but you have an agreement that works and you can live with?" Best, FF Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: wendydarling on April 27, 2019, 06:46:29 AM DB77 welcome back.
Wow, it's great to hear from you and that mediation worked for you and your ex-wife. As you say small comprises bring huge benefits, a win-win and an improving working relationship with your ex as you co-parent, sets you off in the right direction. How is your lovely daughter? Delighted for you DB, I'm glad you're back WDx Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: I Am Redeemed on April 27, 2019, 09:34:15 AM Glad to see you back, DB, I have often wondered how things were working out for you!
It's good that you and your ex are able to have a working relationship. How has the co-parenting been going so far? Redeemed Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: GaGrl on April 27, 2019, 09:45:09 AM DB, I was thinking of you just yesterday and wondering how you were! So good to hear that your situation played out in a workable way.
Did your Ex finish her degree program? Is she employed? Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: MeandThee29 on April 27, 2019, 11:44:49 AM Excellent, encouraging news.
Not going to court and getting something you can live with is outstanding! Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: livednlearned on April 27, 2019, 12:22:04 PM Congratulations on avoiding an expensive trial! You must be relieved.
I see my daughter on 7 days out of 14, although during the school year she only stays with me overnight for 4 of them. I wonder if one of the consequences of handling things more or less reasonably is that she allows your daughter more time with you. Unofficially, of course. Single parenting was very stressful for my ex. He fought to *win* on paper and then slowly but surely I ended up with our son more than what I ever thought was possible. Title: Re: Divorced for 4 months after successful mediation - a long overdue update Post by: flourdust on April 28, 2019, 02:44:14 PM Congrats! Sounds like you came to a good outcome.
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